Jay Shetty & Shawn Mendes ON How to Let Go of Your Past Self

What parts of your past self are holding you back? What fears keep you from embracing who you are now?

In this On Purpose episode, Jay Shetty talks with Grammy-nominated artist Shawn Mendes, who opens up about his struggle with anxiety and the life-changing decision to cancel his world tour to focus on mental health. Mendes shares with Jay how therapy, close friendships, and embracing vulnerability helped him find peace beyond the pressures of fame.

Being Honest with Yourself

Shawn Mendes opens up to Jay Shetty about the heartbreak of canceling a tour. He called Jay before this happened, expecting encouragement but instead received reassurance to prioritize his well-being. Jay's words had a deep impact on him, and so he felt validated to cancel the tour.

Mendes talks about the difficulty of life on tour - it takes immense physical and mental toll after years on the road, no matter how satisfying the journey. Even though passionate about his work, the artist acknowledges reaching a breaking point, feeling disconnected from his personal life because of his constant focus on performance. Eventually, he realized that his identity had been centered around music alone, missing a balanced life outside his career. So, he decided to take time off to reconnect with himself and diversify his sense of purpose.

Mendes acknowledges the difficulty of taking full responsibility for his choices and the impact they carry. He describes to Jay Shetty the weight of this responsibility but also its empowering effect, giving him ownership of his life and career. However, the artist noted how personal hardships often coincide with artistic breakthroughs. He explains that facing anxiety, pain, or fear in the studio frequently leads to moments of clarity, which fuel his creative process.

Trust the Process

Mendes' latest album captures his journey to authenticity. The artist explains that he became more creative and could express himself better after he let go of preconceptions about what the album should be. He believes that starting from a place of honest intention helped establish a foundation, making each following decision feel natural and effortless.

Jay Shetty and Shawn Mendes discuss how modern life often pressures us to curate authenticity; however, the artist aims to create genuine content and remain true to himself. He grew by learning to ask help from others and this, in turn, helped him understand himself better and get closer to a more authentic version of himself.

Mendes used to find it hard to receive love because he was used to presenting a hard front. However, ever since he allowed himself to be vulnerable, he finds it liberating to rely on others and express his true emotions. He told Jay Shetty that this newfound openness enables him to connect with others more deeply, and it allows him to be present without needing to project perfection. Self-acceptance, rather than self-improvement, has become a guiding force in the artist's life.

Looking for Direction in Life

On his journey of self-discovery, Mendes often found himself lost and seeking direction. He shared with Jay Shetty how he found comfort in a morning coffee routine, eventually connecting with others in a makeshift support circle in LA. This daily gathering became a space for vulnerability, and it gave Mendes a sense of grounding during this uncertain period in his life. Meeting new friends and having honest conversations became an unexpected but powerful form of healing.

The artist experienced the power of community and mutual support through this close-knit men’s group. There, he learned the value of being seen when you are in pain. Mendes told Jay Shetty that the reciprocal vulnerability he experienced within this group allowed him to find strength in both sharing his struggles and supporting others. He believes that this shared experience of holding and being held creates a solid, deep-rooted foundation in life.

Getting Away from It All

Mendes reflects on the emotional weight of constantly running from himself; he shared with Jay Shetty how he struggled with internal unrest while things looked bright on the surface. He used to stifle his emotions by constantly moving and avoiding stillness. Yet, when he finally allowed himself to pause, he realized that you can only find peace if you face your discomfort.

Being in the spotlight is not easy. Mendes told Jay Shetty that fame's pressures often left him feeling uncomfortable in his own skin. He was able to move away from thinking in extremes about his image through therapy and with the help of his friends. Today, the artist knows that it’s possible to care about appearance without becoming consumed by it.

Grieving Is a Process

In his youth, Mendes was friends with a boy called Diome. Unfortunately, as they went on different paths, Diome got into drugs and eventually died of an overdose at eighteen. The artist felt numb when he heard the news and didn't process the loss until years later when he was working on his music. He then recorded the song, Heart of Gold, conveying love and honoring his gentle spirit. To Mendes, the song is a tribute to his friend, imagining a golden light connecting him to Diome. He hopes to one day play the song for Diome’s mother, a woman he respects deeply and feels grateful to have immortalized his friend’s memory through music.

Mendes also opened up to Jay Shetty about the guilt he felt for not being there for his friend, and for missing his funeral. Writing the song became a way for him to process his feelings and express what he couldn’t say to Diome. He found it to be the healing method he needed.

Similarly, Jay wasn't able to visit his close friend in his last days due to the pandemic restrictions. He, too, struggled with feelings of guilt. Dealing with grief is a process and encompasses many phases. Grief is not only a response to the loss of loved ones but also the loss of parts of ourselves and past connections. It is an ongoing process that can resurface and evolve over time.

Deep, Personal Experiences

Moreover, Mendes opened up to Jay Shetty about an intimate album listening session with fans, where he shared the stories behind each song, creating an emotional, heartfelt experience. The session reminded him that his work is the result of collective efforts, from friends to band members, who all contribute to the magic of the event. He understands that teamwork makes a show feel effortless, as he simply steps into the truth of each song.

Shawn Mendes explained to Jay Shetty that he used to overemphasize romantic love, which limited his ability to accept other forms of love in his life. However, over time, he learned to open up to everyday moments of connection and allow himself to receive love from various sources without any expectations.

On Love

As an international artist, Mendes opened up about his challenges of maintaining privacy and authenticity while being constantly in the public eye. He and Camila Cabello worked hard to protect their relationship, which has been highly debated in the media. He explained to Jay Shetty that honesty and communication were paramount in maintaining their relationship under these circumstances. Moreover, they managed to shield their relationship from public pressure by prioritizing respect and maturity.

In some instances, a deep connection with someone doesn't necessarily translate into a compatible romantic partnership. Shawn Mendes and Jay agree that true partnership requires more than love - it also entails compatibility in mundane experiences and mutual support without having to make too many compromises.

After breaking up, Mendes shared with Jay Shetty that therapy helped him process uncomfortable feelings like discomfort and uncertainty, even rage and comparison. He learned to ground himself in practical reflection and acknowledge that confusion is part of life. Moreover, the artist learned to ask meaningful, open-ended questions rather than fixating on answers. He remains open to finding lasting love one day and ponders over the evolution of love in his life.

Embracing Everyday Moments

Mendes discusses with Jay Shetty the importance of embracing life’s “in-between” moments; he acknowledges that constantly seeking highs can rob you of experiencing the joy in ordinary experiences. He now enjoys life more fully and experiences less pressure since he learned to focus on the moments before and after major events and find joy in the small things.

The artist reflects on his lyrics reflecting complex feelings after breakups, such as lingering thoughts and emotional torment. Mendes explains to Jay Shetty that such emotions often stem from our natural need for comfort and connection and that listening to his intuition helps him make difficult decisions. He knows that, sometimes, especially in romantic relationships, there are no clear answers.

Support System for Growth

Mendes' studio is the place where he recorded his early hits and latest album. For the artist, the studio is a place of emotional breakthroughs and deep connection, which he considers a personal sanctuary. Jay Shetty suggests everyone should seek out or recognize such spaces in their lives, where they feel supported and can fully express themselves, whether it’s a studio or a quiet spot in nature.

Shawn Mendes' sister wrote him a letter, which Jay read to him. She expressed admiration for his courage, vulnerability, and growth through his music. They have a deep bond and his transformational journey only brought them closer. He says that the support he received was like a bonfire strengthened by loved ones, ready to be shared with the world.

More From Jay Shetty

Listen to the entire On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast episode on “Shawn Mendes ON How to Let Go of Your Past Self and Fully Embrace Who You’ve Become Today” now in the iTunes store or on Spotify. For more inspirational stories and messages like this, check out Jay’s website at jayshetty.me.