Now is a great time to evaluate the types of people who surround you.
Do you have the right tribe of people in your life? Do you have people who encourage you and support your personal growth? Are they there for you when you need a pick me up?
There is a saying that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Others say you are the company you keep. Jay Shetty asks if this is true, who should those people be, and how do you choose them? Should you surround yourself with people you want to become like?
A study by Visit Anaheim states that American families spend just 37 minutes of quality time together per day. On the weekend, it only increases to around two hours and 47 minutes.1 As the quantity of time you spend together shrinks, the quality of that time needs to increase. You need to be intentional with how you spend time with the people you care about.
You can’t get everything you need from one person. It’s important to appreciate what different people have to offer you. Jay Shetty describes the eight types of people everyone needs in their life to support and encourage them to follow the right path.
We all need a person who is in our corner cheering us on, says Jay Shetty. This person supports you with genuine and sincere excitement in all your big or small achievements. The cheerleader is the first to call and congratulate you when something happens in your life. So how do you know if you have a cheerleader in your life?
According to Jay Shetty, look for the person who has cheered you on. They've always been there. They do it when the wins are big or small, even when there's nothing to cheer about. They believe in you. They see the good in you at all times, and they're always trying to remind you of the good in you.
Having a cheerleader doesn't mean they are a yes person. There is a difference between a yes person and a cheerleader. A yes person just agrees with you. A cheerleader doesn't always agree but pushes you to notice the excellence in yourself.
Who are the cheerleaders in your life? Take a moment to think about the people who push you to see the best in yourself. Cheerleaders are often overlooked because they are always in your corner and often get taken for granted. If you can think of a name, you are fortunate. If you cannot, start thinking about how you can find a person who will be in your corner.
One of the best ways to find someone to be your cheerleader is to be a cheerleader for others, says Jay Shetty. Be the person who encourages others and celebrates the most minor victories. When you encourage others in a sincere, genuine way, other people will notice and follow suit.
Having a person who gut-checks you may not always be comfortable, but it is necessary. This person reminds you of your truth and what you have been through. If they see you buying into your own hype, they can call you on it.
“Sometimes this person may not even have sincere intentions,” Jay Shetty explains. They may be envious. They may be jealous and try to hold you down. They may try to check you even when you don't need to be checked. But they are one of your strongest allies because they're reminding you, even if they're doing it negatively, of something that is going to benefit your life.”
While living as a monk, the number one quality they were trained to admire was humility, Jay Shetty explains. There are people in your life who will be chosen, and some who are not, who will keep you humble. If you stay humble, the blessing will continue. If you are arrogant, they will stop.
“It's like having the shades of our house open,” Jay Shetty explains. “If the shades of our apartment open, the sun just floods in. But when we become arrogant, the shades go down and the sun can’t get into your life.”
Learn to accept things in a positive way when someone checks you. It can be a powerful tool in your life.
How do you know someone cares for you? asks Jay Shetty. They do what they say they're going to do – that's the definition of care. You don't doubt they will do what they say because they care enough for you to keep their word. You will spend a lot of time around the person who cares for you. They will be an integral part of your life.
Make sure you reciprocate care to the one who cares for you. Don't be a yes person at the moment then change your mind when it comes time to help them. Keep your word, and show them you care for them.
The Character Builder
Character counts, especially when it comes to the people you surround yourself with. Find someone who holds themself to a high standard and represents the morals you want to uphold. Look for integrity and honesty.
It’s easy to get caught up in the world around you, and sometimes you lose your way. Having a person of high character in your tribe can be that north star you need to find your way back to where you want to be. They are a beacon for how you want to live your life.
“When you express good character, you see how powerful character is,” Jay Shetty says. “It's more powerful than someone's network. It's more powerful than wealth. It's more powerful than anything. Character is where true charisma comes from, and character is what shines through in the form of real charisma.”
You need someone in your life who comes to you for support and lends you support. Who are you showing up and making time for?
When we get selfish and lost within ourselves, it makes life more challenging and less meaningful. But when you have someone who comes to you for support and advice, you can rise to your best self to help them.
“I would honestly say that being there for others has made me better for myself,” Jay Shetty explains. “And instead of just trying to extend myself to others constantly, I make more time to invest in myself, because I want to be better for others when they call upon me.”
Be available to be a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and offer your time and advice to the person you feel will do the same for you.
Life is about learning and growing. We all need someone in life who is competent in the areas in which we want to learn and grow. A life coach is an excellent example of someone who can help you succeed. If you try to solve some of life's issues on your own, it will take a lot longer than if you have someone in your life who knows how to navigate the situation.
“Sometimes you have to move through a few coaches,” Jay Shetty shares. “You have to go out and meet lots of therapists, trainers, or health coaches to find the right person who's competent in the areas you want to grow. Don't just try and figure it out yourself.”
The more knowledge you can gain from others, the bigger benefit for yourself.
Do you have that one person who is always around? They are the ones that you can be yourself around. They may not add traditional value to your life, but they are the person you call to hang out with. You connect on a different level, and they are constant in your life.
“Those people are so underrated,” explains Jay Shetty. “But those who have been in your life consistently are special. Respect and appreciate them. Don't undervalue them, because they value you.”
Do you have a person you know you can call on if you need an advocate or supporter? We all need someone who will champion us in life.
“A champion isn't someone who's always there or accessible, but when you reach out to them, they can champion you by offering support,” Jay Shetty explains. “When you're looking for someone to champion, you make sure you have something to offer them.”
You may feel like you are there for others, but you need to ask yourself if you genuinely champion others.
The Person Who Challenges You
We talked about having a person who checks you, so how is that different from someone who challenges you?
According to Jay Shetty, the check person checks in to see if you are ok and questions if you're going in the direction you want to go. The challenged person challenges your ideas, thoughts, and the way you believe.
This person may or may not be someone who agrees with you but pushes you outside of your comfort zone.
This list isn't to make you question the people that surround you. Don't look at your tribe and think “This person does this but not that.” This list is to help you realize where there are gaps and what you can do to fill them.
Appreciate the different characteristics each person brings to the table, encourages Jay Shetty. Make an effort to call or send them a message to thank them for being the person who cares, challenges you, and is in your corner cheering you on. Then think about the people you want to do that for. Reach out to them and say, “Hey, I'm going to champion you. I'm here for you. I'm cheering you on.”
Wherever those gaps are, start searching for the people to fill them. In return, see what you can do to serve them and what you have to offer them, then watch as your life grows.
More From Jay Shetty
Listen to the entire On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast ON “8 Types of People You Need in Your Life” now in the iTunes store or on Spotify. For more inspirational stories and messages like this, check out Jay’s website at jayshetty.me.