Jay Shetty ON 3 Ways to Learn to Regulate Your Emotions

This On Purpose episode features a discussion between Jay Shetty and Hannah Berner.

Jay was invited to the Berning in Hell podcast to share his experience as a monk and open up on more personal topics.

Becoming a Monk

Jay Shetty choosing to be a monk was more than a quick decision. Instead, it was a deep dive into learning about himself and the wise teachings of the past. His commitment to being a monk led him on a unique journey toward discovering profound truths about life.

The experience allowed Jay to soak up much wisdom and think about what it all meant. This journey helped him make sense of life's puzzles, showing him how to use these old lessons to solve today's problems. "We have lots of wisdom at our fingertips, but we're not using it in our everyday lives," he shared.

Monkhood changed the way Jay sees the world. He learned how to bring together old wisdom and today's way of life. He found that using these ancient teachings can help us make sense of our busy world, which has unique challenges that need new solutions.

Exploring the Dimensions of Love

Jay Shetty dove deep into understanding love in his quest to grasp life's nuances. His exploration wasn't only about romantic love and understanding love in its many forms. His thoughts about love are shaped by his time as a monk and his life experiences afterward.

Jay Shetty views love as a skill we can learn. He sees love not as something we're born knowing how to do but as a skill we can improve at with knowledge, experience, and practice. He sees love as having many layers, unlike the simple way it's often shown in movies or TV. His understanding of love includes love in relationships, for oneself, and the world around us. Each kind of love needs a different version and a way to show it. Jay's thoughts about love also focus on growing as a person through love. He believes that personal growth is critical to developing a relationship.

The Three Essential Classes for Everybody

As he unfolded his journey, Jay Shetty highlighted three vital "classes" that he believes should be a part of everyone's learning: Emotional Regulation, Unraveling Gifts and Gaps, and Meditation. These are not typical academic classes but critical life skills that he feels are essential for personal growth and well-being.

In Emotional Regulation, Jay Shetty explained the importance of managing one's feelings and reactions to external stimuli. He stated that understanding and controlling our emotions gives us the power to respond rather than react to situations, allowing us to make healthier decisions.

The second class, Unraveling Gifts and Gaps, focuses on the individual's self-awareness journey. Jay Shetty stressed the significance of recognizing our unique strengths or 'gifts' and our weaknesses or 'gaps.' Identifying these allows us to channel our abilities effectively and work on our shortcomings to lead a more fulfilling life.

Finally, the third class is Meditation. Here, Jay placed considerable emphasis on meditation and mindfulness. He believes it helps us connect with our inner selves, fosters peace, and improves focus.

These three classes cover significant dimensions of personal growth - emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and mental well-being. Each offers critical life skills that enrich our personal and professional lives, foster healthier relationships, and achieve mental peace.

Navigating Through the Tides of Anxiety

Jay Shetty opened up about his experiences with anxiety, emphasizing how deeply it can impact one's mental health and well-being. He candidly shared his struggles and provided insights on how he coped with them.

Jay identified anxiety as a prevalent issue, particularly in our fast-paced, high-pressure society. The inability to meet expectations, constant fear of failure, and the general uncertainty of life can often result in feelings of unease and worry, leading to anxiety. "Anxiety often feels like a wave that can overpower you," he told Berner.

Despite the challenges that come with anxiety, Jay Shetty stressed that it could be managed with the right strategies and mindset. He emphasized the importance of mindfulness and meditation in tackling anxiety. One can reduce feelings of nervousness by consciously focusing on the present moment and not getting lost in the uncertainties of the future.

In addition to mindfulness, Jay Shetty discussed the significance of open communication and seeking help. By sharing his experiences, he encourages others to break the stigma associated with anxiety and mental health, making it easier for individuals to reach out for help when needed.

Bridging the Past and the Present

Jay Shetty has a particular approach to helping people grow. He blends ancient wisdom from his time as a monk with modern science to guide people toward a fulfilling life.

Living as a monk, Jay developed a deep understanding of ancient philosophies. These old teachings remain a key part of what he shares with others today. His knowledge is built on mindfulness, meditation, and inner exploration practices that spiritual seekers have used for hundreds of years.

But Jay understands that the world is constantly changing. He saw the need to mix these old techniques with modern science. He realized that if he could show these teachings were supported by scientific evidence, more people would be able to relate to them.

He explained, "Old wisdom needs to be translated using modern scientific language to connect with people today. It gives us a common way to talk about these ideas so that they're easily understood."

Combining the two, Jay Shetty keeps ancient wisdom alive and makes it more relevant by grounding it in scientific facts. This unique approach of merging the spiritual and scientific allows him to connect with a broad audience and help them apply these ideas daily.

Understanding Relationships

Relationships are more complicated than ever in the modern world, and knowing how to navigate them can be challenging. Jay Shetty observes that venting in a relationship can be purifying but emphasizes that it needs to be approached correctly. In his opinion, venting becomes problematic when it is driven by uncontrolled anger or frustration, intending to offload our emotional burden onto someone else without seeking a solution.

The essence of healthy venting lies in expressing your emotions constructively,to achieve understanding rather than just venting for venting's sake. Furthermore, Jay Shetty underscores that arguments are inevitable in any relationship. The critical aspect is how we argue, the intention behind it, and how we communicate during the fight.

The goal of an argument should not be to win or prove a point but to understand the other person's perspective, gain clarity, and ultimately strengthen the bond. His teachings encourage a more compassionate, understanding, and mindful approach to dealing with emotions in relationships.

The Revelation: Recognizing 'The One'

Every love story is unique, filled with moments of happiness, uncertainty, and essential realizations. One pivotal moment is finding 'The One.' Jay Shetty talks about his journey and how he knew Radhi was 'The One' for him.

His moment of understanding didn't come suddenly or through a grand event. Instead, it was a gradual process that combined his feelings and thoughts. He spent time observing and reflecting, which led him to realize that he wanted to spend his life with Radhi. He explained that it was not an impulsive decision but something he carefully considered and understood deeply.

Jay said, "I didn't just fall head over heels in love... I was in a thoughtful, reflective space."

Recognizing 'The One' is different for everyone. But he believes finding 'The One' requires an emotional connection, careful reflection, and understanding.

Living in the Public Eye

Being famous and having your every move watched can be a mix of exciting opportunities and intense challenges. For Jay Shetty, being famous isn't about enjoying fame but positively impacting the people who follow him. He says, "I'm not doing it for the fans, but for the people I know and who matter to me."

But being in the public eye isn't easy. Jay says staying true to yourself is tough when everyone watches and expects things from you. There is a constant balance between personal boundaries and the public's demand for openness.

Social Media Consumption

Social media is a massive part of our lives in our digital world. Jay sees it as a tool rather than a destination. It should help us connect, inspire, and learn, not make us feel bad about ourselves or our lives. He says, "We should use social media to help others, not to consume it mindlessly."

But getting lost in the flood of information and opinions on social media is easy. Jay Shetty urges listeners to consider how much time they spend online. He recommends taking regular breaks to reconnect with the real world. "Going offline once a week is a good start," he suggests.

Journey to Emotional Intelligence

Understanding and managing strong emotions like anger is a tricky part of becoming emotionally intelligent. Jay believes expressing anger is essential, but not letting it control us. Anger is a normal feeling, but how we deal with it affects us and the people around us.

"Feeling angry doesn't make you a bad person, but if you let anger take over, you start to act in ways you might regret," he said.

Jay Shetty also talks about ego outbursts, which can show intense anger or pride. These outbursts often come from inner issues we haven't dealt with. He says it's important not to ignore these feelings and to understand their origin. To keep a cool head, he suggests meditation, deep breathing, and a balanced lifestyle to help control emotional outbursts and create a more peaceful inner state.

Jay Shetty reminds the listeners that becoming emotionally intelligent means understanding and expressing their emotions in ways that align with who they are. By confronting your anger and ego outbursts and trying to understand them, you can use these powerful feelings to fuel growth and self-improvement.

Facing Your Demons Made Easy

Dealing with personal struggles and confronting inner fears can seem scary. But Jay Shetty provides an understanding approach to make this process easier and more transformative. He offers three principles to help us through tough times.

First, we should see our struggles as part of our life story. "One day, you'll tell your story. Your troubles will make your story more relatable and helpful to others," Jay explained.

The second principle is identifying the skill we need to learn or improve to overcome our current situation. Focusing on this skill instead of the problem can give us the motivation we need to move forward.

Finally, Jay Shetty advises keeping a steady mindset no matter what's happening in our lives. He says, "Whether it's a good day or a bad day, I'm going to do the same things." This approach helps us stay emotionally stable and focused on our goals, regardless of what's happening around us.

By changing our perspective and building the necessary skills, we can turn our challenges into steps toward personal growth and fulfillment.

More From Jay Shetty

Listen to the entire On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast episode on “3 Ways to Learn to Regulate Your Emotions in Stressful Times & Approaching Disagreements with Respect and Positivity in Your Relationship” now in the iTunes store or on Spotify. For more inspirational stories and messages like this, check out Jay’s website at jayshetty.me.