What’s one thing that makes a person stand out in a crowd? 

Confidence. People are drawn to people who exude confidence.  

It doesn’t matter what they’re wearing, what they look like, or what their achievements are. They could be the best or worst dressed person in the room. A person secure in who they are can walk into a room and light it up. 

Confidence is a great concept – easy to say but harder to live. How does a person stand out with real confidence when everything in society screams that everyone should just work to fit in? How does someone stand out with real confidence if they’re always trying to live up to the standards or expectations of others?

True confidence is vital to a healthy and fulfilling life. In a recent episode of Jay Shetty’s podcast, On Purpose with Jay Shetty, Shetty breaks down 7 healthy ways to stand out with real confidence that can be used in day-to-day life.

Everybody’s Doing It

The world is full of pressure to conform, fit in, and push to succeed. Every commercial or billboard claims to be selling something that will bring admiration or acceptance. Movie stars and professional athletes become the gold standard that set the tone of what people should aspire to. It’s a lofty standard to have to live up to.

Jay Shetty knows how it feels to want to fit in.

“I remember that feeling from school,” said Shetty. “I never wanted to be picked last. You never want to be the odd one out.” 

Kids and teens face today an immense amount of peer pressure . Social media constantly barrages kids with the message that it’s important to fit in and be like everyone else. Even though many adults encourage kids to not give in to peer pressure to do things they don’t feel comfortable with or be someone they’re not, it’s easier said than done.  

“Ninety percent of teenagers are influenced by peer pressure,” said Jay Shetty. “Twenty-eight percent said giving into peer pressure pumped up their social status in the group.”  

Even systems like education and society are set up in a way that encourages status quo. Although there’s nothing inherently wrong with having standards, they can be problematic when they force people into boxes that don’t fit. 

Kids aren’t the only ones to face the pressure to fit in. Adults face this pressure more than they realize. Shetty believes  most adults would also admit they make decisions based on what others think.  

“Did you choose to live where you live because you want to live there or was there some peer pressure involved?” asked Jay Shetty. “Do you buy things or do holidays for your reasons or other reasons? Our choices really show what our motivations are and our choices show whether we're trying to fit in or whether we're confident about who we are.”

Square Peg In A Round Hole

People who stand out or are different have a harder time fitting in. While it is easy to pass this off as not a big deal, it does wear on a person. Not being our true selves in an effort to fit in comes at a cost. 

“Often, the desire to fit in comes at the cost of feeling like we can’t be our true selves,” Jay Shetty said. “How many times have you known that you're trading something to fit in?” 

Shetty says the desire to fit in can affect the things people say and do. Eventually, it may cost them the ability to be open about their true values and beliefs. This can be a major blow to their confidence.

So why do people do it? Shetty said many times people seek to fit in because it feels comfortable and easy. He encourages listeners to use the most unique, powerful parts of themselves so they can grow confident in who they truly are.

Keep reading for Jay Shetty’s 7 ways to build confidence. They’re a great place to start! As more people step into confidence in their true selves, others are inspired to do the same.  

#1:  Don’t Let Judgement Stop You 

Society just plain makes it hard sometimes.

“If you fit in and go with the flow, people call you a pushover and a follower,” Jay Shetty said. “But if we stand out and we do our own thing, people will call us a rebel and an attention seeker. The point is, anything we do will always be judged.”

Living for the approval of others is crippling. Real confidence acknowledges that judgement will come either way, which takes the pressure off. Each person must live their own life, not putting too much weight on the opinions of others. 

#2:  Why Don’t I Fit?

To get to the root of why they don’t feel they fit in, it’s important for people to be honest with themselves. No one can be compatible with everyone in all areas of life at the same time. Each person must take inventory of what their values are and connect with people who are compatible with what’s most important in their lives. 

“It's so important to recognize and not expect that everyone has to be everything,” said Jay Shetty. “We can find people that actually nourish and nurture us in different areas. This gives us confidence to display the different parts of ourselves in different places.”

#3:  Self-Awareness Leads To Confidence

There’s power in understanding both strengths and weaknesses. Jay Shetty explained that accepting both strengths and weaknesses gives a person confidence. As an individual becomes aware of what they need to learn or develop, they can take steps to grow.

Hiding weaknesses and only celebrating strengths and achievements only keeps people from developing truly meaningful relationships. As a person works through their own weaknesses, critical people have less power in their lives. 

#4:  Express Yourself

The key to communicating confidently is being able to express beliefs and viewpoints properly. Jay Shetty listed four things a person can do to express themselves well:  

  1. Be truthful
  2. Be beneficial to all
  3. Don’t agitate the minds of others
  4. Keep aligned with higher philosophy 

Taking the time for reflection and introspection strengthens beliefs just like a workout strengthens a muscle.

“Confidence is like a muscle,” said Jay Shetty. “The way you strengthen the muscle of confidence is by introspecting on your values and beliefs. The more you introspect on them, the more they build, and the stronger they get.”

#5:  Don’t Judge Others

Ever been around someone who boosts themselves by putting others down? That’s not confidence – that’s ego and arrogance. Instead, Jay Shetty encouraged listeners to build confidence by helping build others up. 

“One of the ways to stand out with real confidence is to continue to work on ourselves,” said Shetty. “That really builds a great mindset for success.”

#6:  Take Action

“Confidence develops when you commit to something and then put it into practice,” said Jay Shetty. The next way to grow confidence is simple – step out and take action. Practice makes perfect, and sometimes when a person takes action, the feeling follows. 

#7:  Find People Who Champion and Challenge You  

Everyone needs people who support and encourage them. Jay Shetty encourages everyone to seek out two types of people their lives. The first type of person everyone needs in their lives is a champion. A champion builds others up, providing a safe space to talk about achievements and accomplishments. 

The second type of person everyone needs in their lives is a challenger. It’s important to be challenged and given a chance to rise to the occasion sometimes. People who challenge while still supporting, stretch, grow, and encourage others to think deeper and bigger.

Listen to the entire On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast episode on the 7 Ways to Stand Out With Real Confidence now in the iTunes store or on Spotify. For more inspirational stories and messages like this, check out his website at jayshetty.me.