Tom Holland & Jay Shetty ON Overcoming Social Anxiety

In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty welcomes actor Tom Holland, who was willing to open up about his ongoing health journey.

Usually, it is more common for people to share their experiences after overcoming difficulties. However, Holland breaks the norm by sharing his story while navigating it.

The actor's honesty offers a refreshing perspective on fame and success, underscoring the value of cherishing personal relationships and hobbies and maintaining a semblance of normalcy in an industry often seen as artificial.

Strong Family Bond

In the world of show business, where volatility is the norm, Tom Holland found solid ground in his close-knit family. He walked down memory lane, reminiscing about his parents' presence and unwavering support. Their professional lives, while busy, never interrupted the homely atmosphere.

Despite having full-fledged careers, Holland’s parents always made their children feel available. He told Jay Shetty, "So to us as kids, our parents didn't really work. They just were always home."

Holland's comedian father often worked hours after the children went to bed. Yet, regardless of the challenges and unpredictability of his career, he made sure his children only experienced his cheerful side. This created a sense of stability that the actor carries with him today.

Holland reflected on how his understanding of his parents' sacrifices grew as he matured. The revelation of his parents' hidden struggles brought him even closer to them. He shared with Jay Shetty, "Seeing the way in which my dad's job affects him, or my dad's job affects my mom, is something we've all sort of come to terms with."

This newfound awareness of his parents' resilience, particularly his father's ability to brush off professional setbacks, shaped Holland's career and life. These life lessons from his parents and their unwavering support have fortified the bond he shares with them and continue to guide him on his journey.

Embracing Resilience

Despite being a public figure, Tom Holland has kept his compass pointing toward resilience and authentic self-expression. He credits his ability to shrug off criticism to his inherent strength and ongoing practice. He also found comfort in the opinions of his friends and fans. Holland and Jay Shetty emphasize the importance of creating and leaning on a supportive community during challenging times.

But even with such a robust support system, Holland admits to being sometimes affected by criticisms. However, he focuses on the positives instead of wallowing in the negativity. This approach is an essential reminder that everyone is prone to being affected by negativity, and it's okay to acknowledge it. Still, it is equally crucial not to let it consume us.

A significant life lesson that Holland learned came from his father's resilience. "You know, he's someone who has had an incredibly successful career in his earlier life. And then later in life, his career plateaued, and he's struggled and never stopped," Holland told Jay Shetty. This relentless work ethic left a mark on the actor, teaching him the importance of giving either a hundred percent or nothing.

Moreover, Holland openly discussed the press's unfortunate handling of his mental health announcement. Media painted it as a sign of a breakdown instead of a proactive step toward better health. He said, "What upset me was, if I was having a mental breakdown, that's not for you to report on." Despite the media's misinterpretation, Holland turned the experience to create more awareness and understanding about mental health through his work.

Holland also opened up to Jay Shetty about his journey navigating the challenges of his dyslexia diagnosis. He doesn't shy away from the reality of the hurdles he faced, specifically with spelling. But his parents' encouragement and emphasis on effort over grades were instrumental in pushing him to try his best. Their motto was, "As long as you try your best, that's all we can ask for."

From Rugby to Acting

Holland shared with Jay Shetty that he never specifically aspired to be an actor; he was simply a child who loved to dance. His mother took him to a dance class every Saturday, and one day, he was spotted and asked to audition for a show on the West End. He auditioned, got the role, and performed in Billy Elliot. An agent noticed him in this role and introduced him to the filming industry.

He described acting as a hobby that his mother allowed him to do during summer vacations as long as he kept up with his education. When he was at the crossroads of pursuing his A-levels or turning his hobby into a career, he chose the latter. His love for acting has kept him going, and he particularly enjoys the creativity and collaboration of unique people on a film set.

Holland told Jay Shetty about his experience being bullied for doing ballet, which led him to the role of Billy Elliot. He admitted that while being the only boy in his rugby school doing ballet wasn't easy, it wasn't incredibly tough either. He said his resilience carried him through his peers' comments and lack of understanding.

Jay Shetty revealed he also attended a Rugby school and experienced a similar mix of rugby and dance. Holland also shared his love for boxing and the importance of having an outlet to release energy and aggression. He would love to do a boxing movie but insists that the fighting should be real.

Journey to Sobriety

Tom Holland opens up about his journey to sobriety. He explained to Jay Shetty that he did not initially plan to give up drinking entirely. Instead, he decided to undertake a dry January after a particularly indulgent holiday season. The goal was simple: prove to himself that he did not have a drinking problem. However, Holland admits, "All I could think about was having a drink."

This realization terrified him, prompting him to extend his alcohol break to February and June. Throughout this period, Holland struggled with the social implications of abstaining from alcohol. Yet, upon reaching June, he realized he was happier than ever. He says, "I could sleep better and handle problems better. I felt healthier; I felt fitter. And I just said to myself, why? Why am I enslaved to this drink?"

He began to understand that he was seeking solace in alcohol to feel comfortable in social environments, a realization that led him to challenge himself further. Holland started forcing himself into social situations without the shield of alcohol, exploring alternatives, and finding enjoyment without the influence of drink.

Holland acknowledges his addiction: "I'm happy to say I was definitely addicted to alcohol, not shying away from that at all." Despite the struggles, he is incredibly proud of his journey to sobriety. He told Jay Shetty he found supportive replacements for alcohol, and with the support of friends and family, he successfully reshaped his mindset towards drinking.

Similarly, Jay Shetty has been sober for seventeen years. He and Holland reflect on sobriety's positive influence on their lives, dispelling myths about career setbacks due to alcohol abstinence. The actor was pleasantly surprised to find a robust and supportive community of sober individuals in his industry, including actors he admires.

Identifying Alcoholism and Getting Help

Jay Shetty recalls a social media experiment where a popular Instagram figure always had a drink in hand. Though the account was receiving immense love and attention, nobody noticed the presence of the drink. One day, the figure suddenly stopped posting, stirring up concern among followers. This was designed to show how alcoholism can easily fly under the radar, even when a person's life seems picture-perfect from the outside. Jay Shetty asked, "Your friends could be struggling, even when they're posting these beautiful lifestyle pictures. But are you aware?"

Similarly, Tom Holland shares his perspective on the issue of alcoholism. He revealed to Jay Shetty how its acceptance in society often masks the destructive sides. The actor contrasts this with society's immediate refusal of a newly introduced drink, promising happiness, aggression, or stupidity. Holland asserts, "Because it is so socially acceptable that the addiction side of it, the bad sides of it, really do fly under the radar."

Sharing his joy in being a designated driver and a dependable person, Holland reiterates the importance of making safe choices, especially when alcohol is involved. He emphasizes the need for alternatives and a supportive community to combat alcohol addiction. Jay Shetty seconds this idea, recalling his time as a monk and the practices that aided him in achieving mental clarity, which he refers to as a "higher taste."

The two stress the importance of asking for help and having honest discussions about personal struggles. Jay Shetty and Holland invite listeners to recognize and confront their efforts in their unique paths to sobriety, encouraging them to seek help when needed.

A Break from Acting

Tom Holland elaborated on his decision to take a break from acting, a choice often misinterpreted by the press. His break, he clarified, wasn't due to burnout from acting but was more about wanting to experience everyday life at home. "I just wanted to be in one place for a while, be with my friends, be with my family... I needed to do a lot of growing up at home," Holland shared with Jay Shetty, adding the need for learning basic life skills, such as doing laundry or paying utility bills.

Despite the challenging role he had just wrapped up, Holland emphasized that he could have continued working but chose to prioritize his time. He said, "I love having time off, and going back to work is something that isn't really on my radar yet."

Moreover, the actor described to Jay Shetty the unhealthy consequences of blending personal and on-screen emotions. He emphasized the importance of separating personal and professional lives. He mentioned the approach of his acting coach, Ben Perkins, who devised exercises that allowed emotions to flow from acting techniques rather than personal experiences. Holland told Jay Shetty, "I've always been really strict on myself to leave my work at work... because it's too much, especially when you're playing a character like Danny from 'The Crowded Room.'"

Hollywood

While Holland genuinely loves making movies, he also expresses his dislike for the Hollywood system. "I really do not like Hollywood; it is not for me; the business really scares me... I am always looking for ways to remove myself from it to just live as normal a life as possible," Holland shares with Jay Shetty. Despite his disapproval of the Hollywood lifestyle, the actor acknowledges the privilege and thrill of being in the spotlight, encapsulated in a quote from Billie Jean King: "Pressure is a privilege."

As Holland navigates the industry, he is mindful of preserving his authentic self and cherishing the aspects of his life that bring him genuine happiness. From family and friends to hobbies like golf and carpentry, these form his sanctuaries from the pressures of Hollywood. Holland views his relationship as sacred, putting considerable effort into maintaining its privacy. He also avoids unnecessary attention, preferring to retreat to his hometown of Kingston when the limelight becomes overwhelming.

However, Holland shared with Jay Shetty feeling most connected to his authentic self in golf. "I think when I'm playing good golf is when I feel most like myself," Holland admits. Despite being a humble and often challenging sport, golf provides balance and normality, allowing Holland to disconnect from his professional obligations and remain grounded.

The Light at The End of The Tunnel

In this discussion with Jay Shetty, Tom Holland creates a compelling narrative about resilience, embracing help, maintaining an authentic self-image, and giving everything your best. His journey underlines the importance of maintaining a solid support system and exemplifies how personal growth often comes from navigating life's obstacles.

The actor's journey is inspirational for those grappling with similar alcohol struggles. Although he doesn't advocate everyone should become sober, he encourages a thoughtful examination of one's relationship with alcohol, sharing, "If I get to encourage someone to drink less, then that's great." His story is a testament to the power of individual determination and the importance of seeking support when tackling addiction.

More From Jay Shetty

Listen to the entire On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast episode on “Tom Holland ON How to Overcome Social Anxiety & Beneficial Life Lessons You Can Learn from Family” now in the iTunes store or on Spotify. For more inspirational stories and messages like this, check out Jay’s website at jayshetty.me.