Selena Gomez & Jay Shetty ON Self-Compassion

In this On Purpose episode, Jay Shetty welcomes Selena Gomez.

She is a globally celebrated artist, actor, producer, and entrepreneur who has also been committed to philanthropy and activism throughout her career. Selena has raised millions of dollars for charity, including the Rare Impact Fund, which aims to provide mental health services to individuals in underserved communities. The discussion revolves around Gomez's latest project, a biographical documentary titled Selena Gomez: My Mind and Me. The movie explores the artist's mental health journey and advocacy work. She is committed to using her platform to positively impact the world and shed light on the importance of mental health advocacy.

Mental Health Struggles

Sharing our struggles with mental health and the process of learning to live with them is crucial. Gomez emphasizes the importance of surrounding ourselves with supportive and trustworthy individuals when sharing personal struggles. She cautions that opening up to the wrong people can be dangerous and may lead to further pain.

Gomez encourages listeners to educate themselves on their struggles, understand their triggers, and learn how to manage their mental health. She reflects on her mother's words: "If you're afraid of something, learn more about it. And then your fear will go away," Gomez disclosed to Jay Shetty.

The artist has been open about her struggles with bipolar disorder and speaks on her journey to make it her "friend." Gomez has undergone dialectical behavior therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy. They have instilled in her the importance of accepting and recognizing what is happening within her. Gomez acknowledges that she still has difficult days but has learned to live with her struggles and understand them better. She also highlights the importance of family and friends in managing mental health. Education, acceptance, and surrounding yourself with supportive individuals are vital in managing mental health struggles.

Becoming A New Person

Jay Shetty addresses the topic of getting rid of the old self. He uses the analogy of shedding skin like a snake, where it's not an aggressive process but a natural one. Selena Gomez admits she tends to blame herself when she can't let go of something. However, watching her documentary made her realize how much she has changed and no longer recognizes the person she used to be. Gomez talks about her responsibility for her younger sister and her fans, which has helped her get back up every time she falls. However, she knows she also needs to be strong for herself.

Gomez shares with Jay Shetty how she has made minor changes to improve her mental health, such as changing what she watches on TV and listens to, or adjusting her mood. For example, she talks about how she loves scary movies. Still, she can't watch them all the time because it puts her in a state of anxiety and stress, which affects her ability to sleep. Gomez reflects on the challenges of constant exposure, cameras, and opinions. It is a unique experience that few people can relate to. Yet, she has learned to live with it because it's all she knows, and she's committed to walking this path. However, she acknowledges that she can quit and walk away anytime.

Celebrities Are Human Too

Selena Gomez attributed her confidence to her experience of a highly publicized breakup. This event caused her to want to take control of the negative stories and debunk her negative feelings about herself. She explained to Jay Shetty that sharing her story and being honest with people helped her gain the confidence to know she is enough and that she is a great person who works hard at being kind.

Moreover, Gomez doesn't waste her time being bitter or taking in all the negative things she hears online. Yet she does get upset when she sees inhumane things happening and people talking negatively about other women. But she will always strive to combat negativity with love and kindness.

The documentary gave viewers full access to Gomez's life and relationships. The artist hopes it will inspire people to do more and improve by asking more meaningful questions. She believes that people in her position are more than just entertainers and should be treated as humans with emotions and ideas.

Perfect Imperfections

Moreover, Selena Gomez shared with Jay Shetty that a lot of who she is are just a few things that are not perfect. She used her laugh as an example, which she used to be insecure about. However, she now finds happiness in these little imperfections that make her unique. Gomez believes being imperfect allows her to connect with others, as everybody has flaws.

In her work, the artist tries to embrace mistakes and imperfections in the creative process. Sometimes errors in the studio or on set become a part of the final product, and Gomez craves those moments. She sees the beauty in imperfection and the idea that it can become a part of the creative process.You can also find purpose in the brokenness. Gomez shared with Jay Shetty that every moment in life, even the difficult ones, can have blessings and that there is no perfect way to heal. So instead, she focuses on being a better person and making the best choices for herself. Gomez strives to celebrate the people she has lost and the great things they provided her.

Down The Memory Lane

Gomez opened up to Jay Shetty about the experience of returning to her hometown and visiting old places with special memories. She described it as "untainted territory" that is safe, simple, and kind, where people welcome her without treating her differently. She enjoys visiting and reminiscing over what made her who she is, hoping that she can inspire people to do something bigger than they think they're capable of.

One particular place that gave her a special feeling was a snow cone place where she would go with her dad and cousin to get pickle snow cones with grape flavor. It brought her back to when it would be hot in Texas, and she was with her family, and they would stop there and sit outside for an hour and talk.

Gomez also shared that she hated change and used to return to the same behavior and pattern because she felt anxious or didn't want to be seen. However, she realized that being terrified of the world isn't a way of living. Spontaneous trips or simple things like going to a park are necessary.

She told Jay Shetty, "I did learn that my world can be bigger by being in a different destination. And just that alone was an uncomfortable experience, but I loved it."

Philanthropy

Gomez shared a story about Betty, who she met during a philanthropic visit to a village abroad. The artist was taken aback by Betty's story and felt connected to her on a human level. "You don't know what people are walking through until you stop and have a conversation," she confessed to Jay Shetty. Despite living in different cultures, Gomez found similarities with Betty's experience.

Gomez also spoke about the purpose of her philanthropic missions, which she plans to continue doing even if she doesn't broadcast them publicly. "I feel personally that everyone is my brother and sister; we're all here together, living, being, and wanting to navigate life together," she explained to Jay Shetty. Gomez attributes her passion for serving others to her mother, who taught her the importance of giving back from a young age. Her mother didn't shelter her from the world's harsh realities but showed her how to make a difference.

The artist's ultimate dream is to change lives and impact them positively. This desire to serve others has been a constant in her life, and she hopes to continue doing it even as her career evolves.

Overcoming Your Fears

Intention plays a crucial role in Gomez's life. According to her, everyone goes through a rock-bottom moment in their life. Therefore, becoming more mindful of fears is vital to overcome them. In addition, she believes that facing fears gives a sense of confidence and strength.Gomez has been more conscious of her projects' intentions in the past five years. She wants to base her decisions on doing something good rather than just making her number one or breaking records. She also emphasized the importance of giving back and helping others, telling Jay Shetty that it is a privilege to be able to do so.

Gomez still feels nervous about the reaction to her documentary, despite having good intentions behind it. She hopes people will see it as an opportunity to have conversations and bring awareness to mental health issues. The artist wants to encourage people to be vulnerable and share their stories and hopes the documentary will inspire people to do so.

Selena Gomez's Mother

Jay Shetty also invited Selena Gomez's mother, Mandy Teefey, on the show to talk about the incredible work they are doing together and the lessons that Teefey has shared with Gomez throughout her life. Teefey admitted to Jay Shetty that she always hoped to be a role model by being honest with her daughter about everything. However, she did not want to project perfection, which could pressure Gomez to meet that standard. Teefey had Gomez when she was only sixteen. She was not mentally ready to raise a child, as she was trying to figure out who she was. When she learned about the pregnancy, Teefey felt responsible and tried to do everything right for her daughter. However, delaying adolescence was challenging; she thought she had lost her path a little with the need to balance being a mother, attending school, and working.

A Painful Reminder

Teefey still struggles to watch the documentary about her daughter's life because it brings up painful memories. As a mother, she wants to protect her children from pain, even though it is a natural part of growth and development. Teefey admits to Jay Shetty that she feels guilty for not being there for Selena Gomez at certain moments. Furthermore, she emphasizes the importance of recognizing that documentaries like this are not just stories but people's lives.

Gomez explains that it was hard for her to let people in during the difficult periods of her life. As a result, she walked through some of her pain alone. She reflects that while walking through these experiences unaided made her who she is today, she also regrets not allowing her family to be there for her.

Wondermind

Selena Gomez and Mandy Teefey shared with Jay Shetty their work with Wondermind, their mental health initiative that aims to support people in need. Teefey shared that her experience with mental health issues, including a suicide attempt at the age of seven, inspired her to create a platform where people can openly discuss their feelings without fear of judgment. Teefey and Gomez believe in removing the stigma around mental health and creating a safe space for people to talk about their emotions.Gomez also shared her admiration for her mother's strength and resilience in raising her while dealing with her own mental health struggles. Open communication and support regarding mental health are crucial in overcoming these challenges. By sharing their own experiences and creating a safe space for others to do the same, Gomez and Teefey hope to reduce mental health stigma and provide resources for those in need.

Mindful Parenting

Mandy Teefey spoke candidly about her journey of self-reflection and the importance of honest communication in parent-child relationships. She told Jay Shetty that many people often keep their thoughts to themselves, particularly regarding thoughts about their parents. She emphasized the need for open and honest dialogue to heal relationships.

Teefey also reflected on her parenting journey. She admitted to initially parenting her daughter in a way that she needed to be parented rather than in a way that met her daughter's needs. She acknowledged that "sometimes I just need to listen and not fix it," underlining the importance of being present for her daughter and understanding her needs.

Jay Shetty stressed the implication of looking beneath the surface and uncovering the root of our behaviors and emotions. "We're all loving people the way we wish we were loved, and we're all hurting people the way we wish we weren't hurt," he added.

Yet we need to fight the urge to solve all issues simultaneously. Jay Shetty invites the audience to take time and space when necessary. Keep honest communication and engage in self-reflection in parent-child relationships. By acknowledging your needs and those of your loved ones, you can better understand and support each other on your journeys.

More From Jay Shetty

Listen to the entire On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast episode on “Befriending Your Inner-Critic & How to Speak to Yourself With More Compassion” now in the iTunes store or on Spotify. For more inspirational stories and messages like this, check out Jay’s website at jayshetty.me.