In this episode of the On Purpose episode, Jay Shetty invited his dear friend and long-time collaborator, Lewis Howes.
Howes is a New York Times bestselling author, keynote speaker, and the School of Greatness podcast host. The former U.S President, Barack Obama, recognized Lewis as one of the top 100 entrepreneurs in the country under 30. In this episode, Jay Shetty discusses Howes’ new book, The Greatness Mindset: Unlock the Power of Your Mind and Live Your Best Life Today.
The Journey to “The Greatness Mindset”
Howes revealed to Jay Shetty that his new book was five years in the making. He first had the idea after writing The Mask of Masculinity, and it was something he wished he had during his adolescence. The content in the book was meant to guide others through the pain and challenges he faced.
Yet Howes felt he had to reach a place of internal peace before he could authentically share his knowledge. Despite having the content ready, he held back until he was in a place where he felt like an excellent coach to himself. He was still critical of many things and beat himself up emotionally and mentally. Only once he thought he had healed and evolved sufficiently could he create abundantly instead of forcing something.
Howes struggled with intimacy. He kept repeating specific patterns in relationships that stemmed from unresolved childhood wounds. He told Jay Shetty that despite his external successes, there was constant internal discord. His journey toward healing led him to engage in intensive therapy and coaching. He tried to understand the source of his pain and the emotional wounds that made him feel trapped in intimate relationships.
Howes felt that he had to abandon his authentic self for someone else to love him, which meant he never truly loved his authentic self. He felt like he had to change who he was to please someone else. This realization led him to recognize that his need to please those he loved was what caused him pain.
Jay Shetty observed that removing internal blocks leads to creativity, as evidenced by Howes’ new book. He highlighted that we all have blocks in various areas – our potential, success, judgment, and failure. His book is designed to help readers navigate these blocks.
Jay Shetty reflects on his upbringing, where money was seen in a negative light and associated with shady behavior. He tells a tale of struggle, as his success as an online personality didn’t immediately translate into financial security. As his views skyrocketed, he was on the brink of going broke, highlighting the scarcity of resources in his life, including money. He then recognized the need to rewire his mindset towards money.
Jay Shetty admits to struggling with financial abundance due to his deep-rooted beliefs. He identifies a significant moment in his life when he donated a substantial sum to a charity he was passionate about. This act made him realize he could trust himself to do good with more money, aligning with the notion that cash magnifies who you are.
Path to Healing
Howes describes to Jay Shetty his journey of finding a solution to his chronic pain and feelings of stuckness. After investing in six months of therapy and healing, Howes experienced a breakthrough during a weekend away with friends. He realized he yearned for a life where he felt seen, accepted, and celebrated. This led him to acknowledge that he had compromised his authenticity to maintain peace in his relationships.
His coach helped him realize he wasn’t trapped and had the freedom to walk away, releasing his long-held pain and fear. Howes credits his healing to the continued practice and integration of these lessons. Embracing personal journeys toward feeling happier, healthier, and healed are crucial.
Motivation vs. Discipline
Lewis Howes shared with Jay Shetty the difference between motivation and discipline. He explains, “I think motivation is for people that don’t have a meaningful mission. Discipline is for people that are clear on their identity of who they want to become, and the mission that they have that is meaningful for them, not only for them but for those around them.” He suggests that motivation could be fleeting and dependent on external factors. In contrast, discipline emerges from a deep-seated internal drive that aligns with one’s personal and charitable goals.
Howes reflects on his transformation from a young man striving for individual success to a seasoned professional realizing the power and value of greatness. He reveals to Jay Shetty a moment of self-realization when he turned 30, becoming aware of his ego’s size and his life’s inherent selfishness. His shift in perspective has led to an overhaul of his identity, transitioning from the quest for personal accomplishments to the desire to serve others.
At Peace With Others and Yourself
Jay Shetty and Lewis Howes dive into the idea of collaboration over competition. Jay underscored that while competition can drive quick results, long-lasting success comes from collaboration. He emphasizes the proverb, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” Therefore, solo endeavors may lead to quick victories. Still, the journey toward enduring achievements requires collective effort and a “we” mindset instead of a “me” philosophy.
Moreover, well-being and inner peace are paramount to achieving true success. Howes relates an anecdote about an externally successful individual who confessed to being emotionally unsatisfied, rating himself only a five out of ten on an inner peace and self-love scale. Howes emphasizes the importance of emotional healing, stating, “It doesn’t matter how shredded you are, how wealthy you are, how successful you are, how many cars you have, if your inner, emotional state is suffering, you are losing.”
The key to success, according to Howes, is found in an inner emotional state focused on service and at peace, not in the superficial metrics of worldly achievement.
The Three Ps Framework
Lewis Howes shared his framework of the Three P’s – Passion, Power, and Problem with Jay Shetty.
- Passion: Howes encourages individuals to dig deep and discover what excites them. He emphasizes that passion can be something other than a full-time pursuit initially. Still, it’s something one can progressively work toward.
- Power refers to the unique skills or “invisible assets” an individual possesses. Howes uses the example of his own ‘invisible asset’ of curiosity, which became a key currency for his personal and professional development.
- Problem: The last ‘P’ is about identifying a problem one is passionate about solving. This doesn’t necessarily require creating a new enterprise; one can contribute to existing organizations already working on the problem.
Lewis Howes urges listeners to confront their fears and areas of powerlessness and to work on transforming them into strengths.
Discovering a Meaningful Mission
Lewis Howes discusses the crucial role of discipline in achieving a meaningful mission. A lack of clarity about your mission can often lead to feelings of stress, confusion, and depression. However, understanding your goals and desired interactions with others can help mitigate these feelings.
Howes also shared with Jay Shetty how life can be categorized into ‘seasons,’ a symbolic representation of various stages in a person’s life. He emphasizes that pursuing a meaningful mission should be flexible and adapt to these changing life seasons. Parallels are drawn to sports seasons, where athletes continuously reassess their performance and commitment to the sport.
The Journey of Self-Discovery
Jay Shetty discusses the paradox in which people feel stuck between not feeling ready and needing to take action. Lewis Howes disputes the notion of “fake it till you make it,” suggesting instead a philosophy of facing fears head-on until they lose their hold.
Howes confesses his fear wasn’t about writing a book but launching something untrue to his authentic self. The path to overcoming this fear involved introspection, therapy, coaching, and deep emotional work. His journey of self-discovery and healing led him to a point where he could authentically release his work.
Three Main Human Fears
- Fear of Failure
Jay Shetty and Lewis Howes delve into the fear of failure. Jay recalls his hesitation to venture into online content creation, fearing it may not receive the desired response. The fear of failure initially stopped him from pursuing this new avenue. However, Lewis Howes asserts that failure is essential to success. People need to learn to view failure as feedback, providing information necessary for improvement.
- Fear of Success
The fear of success emerges from the anxiety of handling the implications and responsibilities of success. Howes mention the documentary Weight of Gold, highlighting the profound challenges Olympic gold medalists face after their victories, such as depression, suicide, and the weight of others’ expectations. The fear of success, thus, stems from the perceived burden of maintaining and managing success once it is achieved.
- Fear of Judgment
The fear of judgment has been Howes’s “kryptonite,” predominantly affecting his intimate relationships. He confesses to having abandoned his own needs in an attempt to please others and avoid their judgment. The fear of judgment often leads to self-abandonment and an unhealthy appetite for approval.
These fears often stem from the deep-seated belief of not being enough. By accepting themselves, individuals can start to address these fears and turn them into personal strengths, leading to healing and positive change.
Creating a Lasting Positive Impact
Lewis Howes introduces the need to recognize and adapt to life’s seasons. Reflecting on his past, when his primary objective was to achieve financial independence, he emphasized the necessity of focusing on immediate needs without losing the overall desire to serve others.
Service extends beyond grand acts or large-scale initiatives. The daily actions—spreading joy and expressing curiosity—can hold a significant impact. This perspective broadens the understanding of service, enabling us to see how we can make a difference in everyday situations. Grounding oneself in a meaningful mission, acknowledging the different stages in one’s life, and perpetually seeking personal evolution are crucial to creating a lasting, positive impact.
Moreover, Jay Shetty emphasized listening attentively and engaging in meaningful conversations. He stressed that authenticity is crucial in our interactions, transcending manipulative techniques and fostering authentic relationships.
Jay Shetty shared his rule of not taking pictures with celebrities unless there is a genuine connection or they have appeared on his show. This exemplifies his commitment to meaningful encounters rather than superficial displays. Shetty believes building genuine connections with others is essential for authentic and fulfilling relationships.
Moreover, Jay Shetty revealed a unique practice he follows. While he charges a fee for his coaching services, he donates the entire amount to a charity of his client’s choosing. By emphasizing the value of giving back, he creates an environment of selflessness and authenticity within his coaching practice.
Jay Shetty’s approach is rooted in the belief that genuine connections and acts of service are more valuable than mere financial transactions. He strives to create a space where clients feel they are making a meaningful contribution while receiving guidance and support.
Embracing The Journey
Reflecting on his accomplishments and future growth, Jay Shetty shared his plans to focus on rest, study, and creativity. He believes that personal development and improvement are essential for continued success. He emphasizes the importance of embracing the present season of life and letting go of activities that no longer bring joy.
By aligning his actions with his passions and pursuing what truly fulfills him, Jay Shetty aims to create a healthier and more purposeful life. He encourages his audience to appreciate life’s ups and downs, understanding that personal growth and meaningful experiences are critical components of a fulfilling journey.
More From Jay Shetty
Listen to the entire On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast episode on “Lewis Howes ON How To Physically Release Trauma & Why You Should Focus On Discipline Over Motivation to Succeed” now in the iTunes store or on Spotify. For more inspirational stories and messages like this, check out Jay’s website at jayshetty.me.