Jay Shetty & Zane Lowe ON 3 Tools for Navigating Social Anxiety

In this On Purpose episode, Jay Shetty welcomes his guest, Zane Lowe. Lowe is a Grammy-nominated producer and executive who serves as Apple Music's Creative Director and the lead anchor for Apple Music 1. His responsibilities extend beyond hosting his daily show to curating original content and supervising artist-led programming.

Lowe believes our passions can be powerful motivators in our lives, and by focusing on what truly matters, we can cultivate a space for positivity and success within ourselves.

Becoming a Fan

Zane Lowe identifies as a "superfan" of music. He shared with Jay Shetty his profound connection to a New Zealand band, Split Enz. As a child, the power of their melodies transported him to another realm, as if in a trance. He felt a similar vibe when he first watched the Talking Heads on the big screen. 

Jay Shetty reminisced about his early days as a fan. As a child, instruments were more academic tools than sources of joy. However, everything changed in his teenage years when he started listening to the rebellious beats of Eminem's "Infinite" album.

Lowe explained that he's as passionate and moved by music now as he was back then. The industry's landscape might have transformed, but his emotions remain unaltered. 

On Making Decisions

Jay Shetty recalls a valuable lesson from his spiritual teacher: to open all available doors and keep walking through the ones that remain open, ignoring those that close. This advice resonated with him as a way to navigate choices without being overwhelmed. 

Zane Lowe's wife similarly advises him to "pull the car over" during moments of aimless pursuit. It is essential to pause, reassess, and choose a clear direction amidst life's noise and distractions. 

Another essential factor is inner clarity; a well-defined inner intention simplifies navigating external complexities. For Lowe, moments of indecision often stem from a disorganized mindset. He advocates for therapy to declutter the mind, likening it to removing unnecessary noise. It provides clarity by helping you differentiate between your genuine needs and inherited or misconceived desires. However, finding internal balance is a continuous journey driven by self-awareness and introspection.

Managing the Information Overflow

Jay Shetty compares therapy to cleaning a wardrobe when you declutter your thoughts. Lowe shares his view on humans' limited emotional and mental capacity. Often, feelings are misguided by past unresolved issues. These feelings influence our actions, usually negatively. 

Jay Shetty cites a study mentioning the human brain's ability to compute vast amounts of data daily.¹ However, without proper selection, our minds become cluttered with unfiltered information. Lowe stresses the inevitability of processing external stimuli, but awareness allows better management.

Evolution as a DJ

Lowe opens up to Jay Shetty about his initial attraction to DJing due to a performative side to his personality. He emphasizes his unique approach to playing music, actively interacting with the tracks instead of letting them play. 

Drawing from his influences, like the Beastie Boys and Public Enemy, Lowe loves unpredictable and chaotic sounds in music. He admits that while some of his style resonated with audiences, he also found some too jarring. However, the main joy for Lowe as a DJ was watching how people reacted to music, capturing their attention and allowing them to be genuinely present. He describes DJing as creating a shared moment, free from life's worries, and focusing on being in the here and now. 

Moreover, Lowe humorously points out a benefit of DJing for those who are socially anxious - it provides a protective barrier, removing the need for direct social interaction.

Therapy as a Tool

Lowe explains to Jay Shetty that becoming a father made him realize he needed to work on himself to give his best to his family. He credits his wife and family for encouraging him to seek therapy, especially during his lowest moments. The process transformed his life, enabling him to love himself and, in turn, love his family more profoundly and without reservations.

Lowe reflects on his challenging childhood, navigating a divorced environment, witnessing aspects of relationships that confused him, and struggling to define his identity. He grappled with the urge to fix the broken pieces but lacked the tools or the understanding. However, he underscores the significance of taking responsibility for one's past and not projecting blame on uncontrollable scenarios. As a father, he felt compelled to process his past and provide a better future for his children.

Lowe shares with Jay Shetty his desire to offer his children unconditional love, trust, and principles like support, honesty, and hard work. He emphasizes the importance of understanding oneself and highlights his wife's pivotal role in his journey to self-awareness.

Love Story

Zane Lowe and his wife, Kara Walters, had known each other since childhood in New Zealand. Still, it was when they both relocated to London that their romantic relationship began. It evolved quickly, leading them to get married due to visa issues that would have forced Kara to return to New Zealand. 

Their marriage was a simple ceremony at a registry office, with minimal fuss and only two witnesses. This approach was characteristic of their relationship's foundation, which they felt was right for them. They both believe in the value of hard work in a relationship and have been committed to working on their bond for nearly 24 years.

Moreover, Lowe emphasized the importance of simplicity in his relationship with his wife. Their bond is strengthened by humor, enjoying each other's company, and understanding that disagreements won't break them apart. 

Overcoming Social Anxiety

Lowe describes his experiences navigating social situations as varying on a case-by-case basis. He emphasizes the importance of being kind to oneself and not pressuring oneself unduly. Sometimes, he finds valid reasons to push forward. Still, other times, he might skip out on an event due to overwhelming feelings.

Lowe differentiates between the social side of things and the professional aspect. He speaks of moments that have defined his career, where he's tapped into something intangible and found an extra gear to push himself further. He has had moments where he's been able to access a higher gear, an extraordinary level of performance or decision-making.

Jay Shetty introduces the concept of "flow," referencing Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. This "flow state" is described as time slowing down and speeding up simultaneously, allowing for exceptional performance. Lowe resonates with this and shares moments in his career where he's felt in that flow state, especially during interviews.

While the DJ doesn't have an issue being around people, he often feels he's playing a role or not entirely comfortable in his skin. Jay Shetty notes that many in the arts and entertainment industry feel similarly, especially at events. Such events aren't necessarily designed for genuine community and connection. 

Experiencing Genuine Connection

Jay Shetty and Zane Lowe explored the essence of genuine human connections and the significance of understanding one's role in relationships. Jay wishes to find authentic connections at events, which you can often recognize through intuition, emotional cues, and body language. He highlighted the pitfalls of allowing ego to influence relationships, where interactions are pursued for personal gains rather than genuine connection. 

Lowe underscored the value of self-awareness in discerning different types of friendships and the distinct roles they play in one's life. He acknowledged a past tendency to try to be everything to everyone.

Ego

Jay Shetty admitted that daily vigilance is needed to balance his conscious self and ego. He shared an example of mentoring someone concerned about ego taking over due to success. For Jay, success isn't about numbers but creating a transformative journey for his audience, moving from entertainment to education to personal enlightenment. He aims to help people embark on this journey, inspired by his experiences and learning from greats.

Lowe pointed out that ego isn't inherently wrong; it is crucial when used with self-awareness. He mentioned the challenge of balancing humility and ego, noting that denying one's ability too much can lead to a false sense of humility. However, the dangerous aspect of ego arises when one feels superior or inferior to others. It's about recognizing one's unique method without considering it better or worse than others.

Manifesting

Jay Shetty reflects on his unintentional manifestations throughout his life; he never intentionally tried to manifest outcomes. However, he recognized moments when he visualized something, and it came to pass without conscious intent. 

Jay reveals his appreciation for the unpredictability and magic of these moments, emphasizing it's beyond him. Lowe relates, having had similar experiences. While some people are adept at harnessing manifestation, Jay Shetty believes there's no right or wrong approach.

Ambition

Zane Lowe expresses curiosity about Jay Shetty's relationship with his ambition. Jay recalls working tirelessly in the beginning, 16 to 18-hour days, seven days a week. Yet meditation grounded him throughout this intense period.

Jay had a moment of realization when he felt an opportunity knocking, which made him intensely grateful. He transitioned from contentment in impacting a small group to recognizing the potential of reaching a larger audience. As his platform grew, he realized the importance of balance.

Initially, everything revolved around his work and his wife. However, he recalibrated his life with time and reflection, working from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. and dedicating time to friends and family.

Lowe believes the balance to be between seizing every opportunity and maintaining well-being. Genuine gratitude is more than a checkbox item; it is a deep feeling. Jay compares life's journey to Formula 1 racing, where knowing when to accelerate and when to slow down is crucial.

Living at Your Own Pace

Jay Shetty and Zane Lowe discuss the importance of balance, rhythm, and discipline in life. Life is not just about speed; it's about recognizing and utilizing the multiple facets and dimensions it offers. For Jay, maintaining discipline, especially regarding health, is paramount for high performance.

Sleep is also vital for the well-functioning of our bodies and minds. While Lowe struggles with sleep, he shares a practice he learned from Rick Rubin about exposing himself to natural light every morning. This advice, seemingly based on ancient sun salutation practices, improved his sleep significantly. 

Saluting the sun in yoga was a spiritual way our ancestors ensured good health and vitality. Yet nowadays, society has distanced itself from age-old wisdom. While ancient communities seamlessly incorporated these practices into their lives, today's world seems detached from them or desperately trying to return to them. Jay Shetty believes discipline to be the primary challenge, arguing that formal education provides a structured routine until young adulthood but needs to teach the skills to build or break habits.

Mind-Body Connection

Lowe shares with Jay Shetty his struggle with chronic pain, pointing to the challenges of overwork and stress as major contributors. He reveals that therapy was vital in his journey to wellness. Through therapy, he learned that he stored his emotional and mental burdens in a part of his brain that wasn't equipped to handle them, leading to physical pain. The pain dissipated when he learned to process these emotions and relocate this mental storage. 

Hard work can sometimes mask the underlying problems, providing a temporary sense of achievement and validation. However, Lowe emphasizes that it's essential to find a balance. Working hard doesn't necessarily equate to performing well. One can improve well-being and productivity by focusing on efficiency, finding balance, and trusting the process.

Beautiful Conversations

Lowe told Jay Shetty that he's most inspired by conversations where both parties aren't aiming to sell something but genuinely wish to engage and learn. He stresses that he no longer functions within a hierarchical mindset. Instead, he approaches conversations without prior observations or frameworks, striving to capture the essence of the music and the feelings it evokes.

Moreover, Zane Lowe admits that he used to prepare excessively for interviews due to his anxiety about unknown outcomes. Now, he focuses on starting a conversation and listening, letting it naturally unfold. He learned to genuinely listen without controlling the narrative. It encouraged him to stay present and adapt his interviewing technique. Jay Shetty resonates with this, noting the change from structured to spontaneous interactions as one evolves. 

More From Jay Shetty

Listen to the entire On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast episode on “Zane Lowe ON 3 Tools for Navigating Social Anxiety & 3 Ways to Change Your Relationship with Your Ego” now in the iTunes store or on Spotify. For more inspirational stories and messages like this, check out Jay’s website at jayshetty.me.

‍¹Heim, Sabine, and Andreas Keil. “Too Much Information, Too Little Time: How the Brain Separates Important from Unimportant Things in Our Fast-Paced Media World Authors and Reviewers.” Frontiers for Young Minds (blog), June 1, 2017. https://kids.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/frym.2017.00023.