Jay Shetty & Robert Greene ON How to Deal With Negative People

Have you ever questioned your personal beliefs? Have you struggled to deal with negative people who made you doubt yourself?

In this On Purpose episode, Jay Shetty welcomes Robert Greene, the author of The 48 Laws of Power, Art of Seduction and Mastery.

Greene shares powerful strategies for navigating the challenges posed by negative individuals and explains the importance of preserving your emotional well-being while accepting that everyone has imperfections. Moreover, in this interview, Jay Shetty and Robert Greene explore the idea of the self as a mental construct.

Handling Negative People

Listeners often ask Jay Shetty how to deal with negative people in various areas of their lives, such as family, friends, and work. Robert Greene explains that negativity is a natural human trait; it's wiser to accept it rather than take it personally. You need to understand that negative behavior often stems from others' personal issues, not as an attack on yourself.

Greene highlights to Jay Shetty the importance of maintaining emotional distance from negative individuals, particularly those who thrive on drama and attention. You need to learn how to recognize these markers early, particularly in narcissists, and avoid close involvement with them. Moreover, Greene advises the listeners to focus on someone's character rather than superficial traits like intelligence or charm.

To identify character traits, you need to look at how someone handles criticism, stress, and power. Greene explains that strong character is marked by accountability and resilience. On the other hand, someone with a weak character is defensive and lacks responsibility.

Jay Shetty noticed that people are often attracted to the wrong traits. Greene acknowledged his own tendency to gravitate towards narcissists because he felt empty inside. Similarly, others may seek out negative relationships to fill voids in their lives. In his latest book, Mastery, the writer addressed his own emptiness; writing it, he found fulfillment in creativity and ideas rather than external validation.

Empathy Isn't Rare

Greene's writings are strongly based on history. The writer used to have a negative view of the human species because of the historical facts he knew. However, after having a stroke, he noticed that people responded to his vulnerability with kindness and empathy. This was surprising to him; he learned that people are, in fact, capable of empathy, but it usually takes a negative event to bring out this feeling in them.

Greene explained to Jay Shetty that empathy isn't always evident in daily life. While everyone has the capacity to feel of this emotion, they tend to suppress it in today's individualistic and self-interest-based society. The writer believes everyday pressures and social media distractions numb our natural empathetic responses. However, empathy resurfaces at times, and people then realize its importance.

The Invisible World

Robert Greene shared with Jay Shetty his experience with meditation: it helps him separate himself from his thoughts, which he views as phantoms with no real substance. To him, it's like social media's ability to engage our emotions with repetitive, compulsive thoughts. Therefore, in order to live a more conscious and present life, you need to be aware of your thoughts and their power. Jay notes that unchallenged thoughts can shape reality and then become habits and beliefs.

Jay Shetty calls our internal thought processes "the invisible world." While externally visible, the way we interpret it occurs in the invisible space of our minds. This internal processing shapes our reality more than the actual events or surroundings. For him, simple choices, such as not checking social media first thing in the morning, can significantly impact his peace of mind. Therefore, he concluded that our world influences our daily experience.

Robert Greene explains that many aspects that deeply influence our lives exist in the invisible realm: symbols, language, and societal rules. They are not physically tangible, yet they have a great impact on our lives. People are not always aware of this and often overlook this aspect, focusing rather on the visible world. Greene shared with Jay Shetty his practice of constantly questioning his beliefs and their origins, challenging his perceptions to gain a deeper understanding. He believes it to be a healthy way to engage with the world and your inner thoughts, even though, at times, it may lead to uncertainty.

Who Am I?

Questioning your beliefs and values is essential for potential growth but can also lead to identity crises. It is important to do so without losing your sense of self but rather looking to build your true identity. Greene explained to Jay Shetty that introspection is essential in learning the essence of who you are, besides societal and familial expectations.

Many struggle to identify their true purpose because they are often influenced by external forces. Therefore, he advocates for persistent self-questioning to peel away superficial layers and get closer to your core identity. Once you discover this essence, you gain a sense of certainty and direction in life, as Greene did with his passion for writing.

People can easily get trapped in others' perception of them. A common recurring fear is failing at something you love and succeeding in something you didn't choose yourself. Greene acknowledged to Jay Shetty how his image of a "self-help guru" is not who he truly is as a person. He highlights the importance of staying true to yourself despite external pressures and perceptions, no matter how challenging that may be.

Public Perception

Jay Shetty discussed with Robert Greene society's obsession with linear "before and after" narratives, such as in fitness transformations or wealth accumulation. He argues that life is more cyclical and that challenges like envy and anxiety reappear in different forms over time. Jay believes that progress lies in improving how we deal with these challenges instead of entirely eliminating them.

Robert Greene remembers how he used to share his advice with people, but nobody would find it valuable or listen to it. After publishing The 48 Laws of Power, it became a success, and everyone started to look for his advice. Nothing in his life had changed at that point; he was fundamentally the same person he was before, living in a modest apartment and giving advice that few would listen to. Yet having the credentials of being an author changed the public's perception of him.

Similarly, Jay Shetty started his coaching career by mentoring small groups and speaking at universities without recognition. He agreed with Robert Greene that they both enjoy learning and sharing timeless wisdom, often from old books. Jay quoted Ivan Pavlov, who said, "If you want a new idea, read an old book." They believe in the humility and authenticity of ancient writers, who created without the expectation of an audience, unlike modern-day content attention-driven creation.

The Creative Process

After the success of The 48 Laws of Power, Greene had to decide whether to replicate his success with a sequel or venture into new creative territory. The follow-up was easy and alluring, but he resisted the temptation. To him, rehashing old ideas felt uninspired and hollow. He explained to Jay Shetty that his creative process thrives on challenges and strong emotions, whether it's anger, love, or passion. He believes all feelings are necessary to infuse his work with authenticity and depth. He fears that, otherwise, his writing would lack energy and become a mere repetition of past successes.

Jay had similar experiences in his writing journey; he wrote either from a place of genuine struggle or personal discovery. To him, the topic needs to feel alive and exciting, even if it's unpredictable and filled with uncertainty. Both agree that this approach is crucial for creating work that resonates deeply, even if it can be challenging sometimes.

Greene shared with Jay Shetty his current writing struggles, dealing with self-doubt and the fear that he may have lost his creative spark. He finds it also challenging to stay true to himself while navigating success. Yet he believes that persistence is the key to maintaining his creative energy. In time, the right ideas will eventually emerge, and they will allow him to continue producing meaningful and impactful work.

Increasing Our Open-Mindedness

Jay Shetty and Robert Greene discussed multiple ways of increasing our open-mindedness and expanding consciousness. One of them is language - Jay shared the Vedic concept of "antarakash" (inner sky) as an example of how language can expand consciousness. Greene agrees that exploring different languages and cultures can open up new ways of thinking. He also noted social media's reduction of language increasingly limits our thinking horizons.

Moreover, they discussed ways of broadening consciousness beyond the confines of modern technology and social media. You can expand your horizons by getting exposed to new ideas, new environments, and new people. Jay Shetty shared how he learned to listen to other music genres other than rap or hip-hop. His reading habits also helped him deepen his perspective and broaden his knowledge.

Similarly, Robert Greene is interested in learning more about ancient cultures. He listens to reconstructed ancient music and reads about the daily life of past civilizations; this way, he enhances his understanding of the world. The writer notes that ancient cultures offered a richer sensory experience and a more expansive view of life. He believes learning about this historical perspective can inspire fresh, more profound ways of thinking in today's digital world.

Globalization and Its Cultural Impact

Jay Shetty and Robert Greene discussed the impact of globalization on local cultures. Unfortunately, we experience an increasing loss of unique cultural identities due to homogenization. However, they both value experiences that offer a sense of stepping back in time, free from the generic, globalized culture that dominates most cities today.

Jay shares his experiences of discovering cultural practices that resonate across different traditions. He recounts his trip to Hawaii, where he learned about the local practice of placing a newborn's umbilical cord on the ground and drawing a spiral around it, which symbolizes a lifelong connection to the earth. This tradition reminds him of similar practices in Indian culture, like the Surya Namaskar (sun salutation), and his visit to Bhutan, a country deeply rooted in Buddhist traditions and largely untouched by modern commercialization, where cultural singularity is still largely intact. 

More From Jay Shetty

Listen to the entire On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast episode on “Robert Greene ON How to Deal with Negative People When They Are in Your Family, Friend Circle or Work” now in the iTunes store or on Spotify. For more inspirational stories and messages like this, check out Jay’s website at jayshetty.me.