Jay Shetty & Dan Harris ON Stressors Ruining Your Health

Do you ever feel like your mind is stuck in overdrive, bombarded by stress and anxiety?

Everyday demands—like social media, work obligations, and hectic schedules—make it tough to find real peace. There’s a way to reclaim calm and connection.

In this On Purpose episode, Jay Shetty welcomes Dan Harris—journalist, bestselling author of 10% Happier, and meditation advocate—to discuss simple yet powerful methods for quieting mental chatter and rediscovering genuine human connection.

Stress vs. Anxiety

Dan Harris clarifies to Jay Shetty the difference between stress and anxiety: According to him, stress often arises when the demands on our time and energy exceed our perceived capacity. Anxiety, however, is more future-focused, stemming from fears of what could go wrong. Lately, there has been an increase in both stress and anxiety, which has led to unprecedented rates of depression, addiction, and loneliness.

Dan Harris believes the pandemic to have exacerbated these issues. The world faced intense uncertainty, disconnection from social contact, and increased political and cultural conflicts, all making people more anxious and stressed. The journalist calls it a “global, unregulated experiment” in social isolation, linking it to the alarming mental health statistics seen today.

Stress often stems from multiple layers, particularly the deep-rooted need for genuine human connection that modern life overlooks. Much stress, Harris tells Jay Shetty, can be associated with subconscious fears or unfulfilled emotional needs, which are concealed by more apparent circumstances like job uncertainty or current events. Understanding the gap between surface-level complaints and deeper discomfort can spark meaningful change in our approach to addressing stress.

The Need for Human Connection

While it is easy to point fingers at heavy workloads or global crises as the prime drivers of stress, Dan Harris explains to Jay Shetty that a desire for genuine connection is at the heart of many challenges. He points out the importance of close friendships, acting as an emotional lifeline and helping people live longer, healthier lives.

Dan Harris notes that technology and the fast pace of the modern world can often overshadow these more straightforward yet critical bonding opportunities. Increased screen time and job mobility push humans toward isolation and superficial interactions. In contrast, the lack of face-to-face interactions contributes to heightened anxieties, as people miss out on the vital support that true human closeness provides.

A Harvard study on adult development revealed that people who are “never worried alone” exhibit lower stress levels and greater emotional well-being.¹ So, Dan Harris shares with Jay Shetty that human connection is not optional but a vital part of our lives. Consciously investing in a few meaningful friendships is more powerful than passively scrolling or comparing personal achievements on social media.

Realistic Approaches to Social Media Use

Dan Harris told Jay Shetty that social media can foster and hinder the human connection we all need to live healthy lives. He was offline for many years and only recently began experimenting with posting short videos. Since then, he found himself drawn into behaviors common among many social media users—doom-scrolling and obsessively checking post-performance. While the journalist feels the addictiveness of these platforms, he doesn't want to label them as all bad but rather makes the distinction between good and bad usage.

For Dan Harris, the real challenge is that these apps are engineered to create quick dopamine hits. If unchecked, this design perpetuates a cycle of constant refreshes and anxiety about missing out. He suggests people implement small but effective strategies, such as designating phone-free periods—especially in the evenings. Getting offline to enjoy family time (even if done inconsistently) is enough to remind our brains how rewarding in-person time is.

Another way to fight compulsive scrolling is to meditate. Dan Harris believes mindfulness helps identify the emotional needs you try to meet by picking up a phone. This increased self-awareness encourages more thoughtful choices, such as distinguishing between the intentional use of the phone and the habitual reaching for it out of boredom or anxiety. He suggests asking yourself, “What do I actually need right now?” to uncover what it is that your phone is replacing at that moment.

Practicing Self-Compassion

Both Jay Shetty and Dan Harris acknowledge struggling with harsh inner dialogues. The journalist revealed he was his fiercest critic, easily talking negatively about himself when he faltered or fell back into old patterns. He emphasizes that this tendency often disguises itself as wisdom when it is, in reality, a form of self-punishment.

Dan Harris explains to Jay Shetty that “you cannot hate yourself into change.” Harshness and shame rarely lead to the consistent, self-affirming development that results in lasting progress. As a solution, he proposes the “distanced self-talk” strategy, addressing yourself by your name instead of "I am" affirmations. For example, instead of saying, “I’m terrible,” try: “[your name], you’re learning to handle tricky situations; it’s natural to slip up sometimes.” The shift from “I am” to a more external vantage, he says, injects empathy into the conversation, almost as if giving advice to a friend.

Implementing Consistent Mindfulness in Daily Life

Since writing 10% Happier, Dan Harris has advocated small, straightforward practices. He shares with Jay Shetty his three-step mindfulness exercise:

1. Find a Comfortable Position - Sit or lie down in a natural way.
2. Choose a Focus (Usually the Breath) - If the breath triggers anxiety, you can observe body sensations.
3. Notice Distraction and Return - The real core of the practice is recognizing when the mind drifts—whether to errands, regrets, or wild tangents—and gently returning your attention to the chosen focus.

Dan Harris shares with Jay Shetty that whenever someone realizes they are lost in thought, they reinforce neural pathways linked to focus and calm. Many people hold the misconception that effective meditation demands a completely still mind, but he asserts that success lies in recognizing distractions and redirecting your attention. This repeated cycle—wandering, waking, and refocusing—supports emotional regulation and reduces stress.

Dan Harris also underscores the value of “start again” as a principle for aspiring meditators. In his view, the daily practice remains simple yet radical precisely because it normalizes being human—flawed, easily distracted, and always capable of second chances. By accepting the messy, cyclical nature of mindfulness, you can develop a calmer and more compassionate relationship with yourself.

Anger Is a Secondary Emotion

Dan Harris told Jay Shetty that anger often masks fear or deeper vulnerabilities, an insight the journalist gained after monitoring his emotions over time. Rather than “slaying” the anger outright, he recommends a more gentle approach: embrace it, analyze it, and uncover its underlying cause. This technique is inspired by Zen teachings, to treat anger like a crying baby that needs attention instead of punishment.

Not all anger is destructive, Dan Harris clarifies to Jay Shetty. Healthy anger can motivate us to address injustice or stand up for important needs. Yet when anger morphs into blind rage or intense hatred, it becomes a problem by obstructing reason and exacerbating conflicts. By practicing meditation, you can recognize your feelings and differentiate between constructive frustration and destructive, harmful anger.

The journalist explained to Jay Shetty that anger is a secondary emotion, meaning that it often conceals other feelings. Therefore, he encourages the listeners to dig deep within themselves to uncover what emotion is disguised as anger - is it fear, embarrassment, or shame? Mindfulness can help you break the cycle of reactive outbursts and replace it with a calm investigation into the real source of that emotion.

How to Handle the Inner Critic

Even trained meditators can sometimes fall into the trap of avoiding the truth. Jay Shetty admits to sometimes judging others for qualities he subconsciously recognizes in himself. When we feel attacked, we instinctually tend to defend ourselves, no matter if the criticism contains valuable insights.

Yet, in the age of social media, we are constantly faced with others' manipulated images, which triggers defensive thinking mechanisms in us, leaving little space for introspection. Jay Shetty and Dan Harris suggest taking the time to look inward and spend time with yourself, either through journaling, quiet walks, or meditation. Try to identify your inner beliefs and which ones have been instilled in you by external factors - identify the inner critic and the voice it stems from.

Do It Scared

Suffering from claustrophobia, Dan Harris developed a technique to help him overcome his fear called “opposite action.” Instead of avoiding confined spaces, he intentionally chooses to ride elevators and subways when he has the chance. This gradual and controlled exposure gets his mind used to a previously daunting environment, disrupting the cycle of anxiety that only intensifies through avoidance.

The journalist believes small, daily confrontations can rewire the mind to handle stress more effectively. He shares with Jay Shetty that the opposite action might be as trivial as accepting a social invitation you would rather skip out of shyness or reaching out first to a friend. By dosing uncomfortable experiences instead of running from them, you can gain newfound confidence in navigating fear. However, he warns that you need to take gentle steps, one at a time, to avoid triggering a panic attack.

From “I Am” to “There Is”

Dan Harris shares with Jay Shetty Joseph Goldstein’s practice of stating, “There is anger” or “There is stress” instead of identifying with it by saying, "I am angry." This approach subtly de-personalizes the emotion, making it a temporary state rather than a defining characteristic of yourself. Many identify with the emotion, which makes them feel even more profound suffering and shame.

However, viewing an emotion as a passing condition creates room for curiosity and understanding. Dan Harris told Jay Shetty that by replacing, for example, “I am anxious” with “There is anxiety,” you can explore the source of the emotion from a detached standpoint. Another benefit of separating the feeling from you is that it allows room for change and growth; if you acknowledge that emotions are fleeting and don't stay attached to them, transformation becomes more attainable.

Making Mindfulness an Ongoing Commitment

For Dan Harris, mindfulness is a lifelong journey, not simply a quick fix. Yet, in today's fast-paced world, many people revert to negativity or old patterns mainly because they lose sight of their goals. Therefore, he explained to Jay Shetty the importance of setting daily routines that can help you reconnect with what truly matters. For example, he suggests spending five minutes on breath-centered meditation, having a phone-free dinner, or engaging in a mindful check-in with a friend.

For the journalist, personal well-being and external contributions are not mutually exclusive. You can bring a more insightful self into professional pursuits, family relationships, and community causes if you do consistent inner work and fill your own cup before pouring into others.

More From Jay Shetty

Listen to the entire On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast episode “Dan Harris ON The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress” now in the iTunes store or on Spotify. For more inspirational stories and messages like this, check out Jay’s website at jayshetty.me.

¹Solan, Matthew. “The Secret to Happiness? Here's Some Advice from the Longest-Running Study on Happiness.” Harvard Health. Harvard Health Publishing, October 5, 2017. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/the-secret-to-happiness-heres-some-advice-from-the-longest-running-study-on-happiness-2017100512543.

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