Jay Shetty & Charli D’Amelio ON How Our Thoughts Define Our Reality

In this On Purpose episode, Jay Shetty welcomes his guest, Charli D'Amelio. D'Amelio rose to fame through TikTok, and she is now the female creator with the most significant following, 150 million accounts. She has been crowned by the New York Times as "the reigning queen of TikTok."

TikTok Fame

Charli D'Amelio views her fame on TikTok and her success as luck, which helps her stay humble. She explains to Jay Shetty that she had been passionate about making videos from a young age but only shared them when TikTok arose. 

D'Amelio admits she has struggled with feelings of not deserving her success, especially when others doubted her. However, she manages to separate her online persona from her authentic self. She acknowledges the importance of appreciating what she has worked hard for. 

D'Amelio mentions moments like participating in Dancing with the Stars and hosting the Kids Choice Awards were when she felt the most proud of herself. Then, she thought she had earned those achievements. However, she continues to grapple with imposter syndrome while valuing the moments where hard work leads to success.

Charli, Behind the Curtains

D'Amelio always knew there was a difference between her public persona, Charli D'Amelio, and Charli, her true self. Initially, she would conform to a specific image expected by her young audience but eventually realized that it wasn't her authentic self. It took her some time, particularly over the past year, to embrace her true identity and not let external opinions affect her.

D'Amelio opens up to Jay Shetty about the rapid rise to fame on TikTok, starting at 15 years old. She had to adapt to the intense scrutiny from the public quickly. She admits to putting up a shield to protect herself, which leads to a disconnect between her public image and her private self. Over time, she learned to be more discerning in her relationships, seeking genuine connections and distancing herself from those who used her for popularity.

Becoming Her Person

Charli D'Amelio struggled with conforming to others' expectations during her early rise to fame. She admits to Jay Shetty that she used to make decisions based on comments and feedback from others, whether about her clothing, speech, or the content. She felt pressured to fit in with the adults and older influencers around her, even though she was just a high school student.

D'Amelio realized that constantly molding herself to please others was unfair to her. She lost touch with her valid preferences and felt disconnected from her identity. It was difficult not knowing who she was, and she had to seek therapy to address this issue. She also went through phases of isolation and self-doubt, where she struggled to leave her house.

However, with the support of her parents and the realization that she couldn't continue in that state, D'Amelio began the journey of self-discovery. She started asking herself important questions and gradually reconnected with her desires and interests. She is now learning to be her own person rather than constantly seeking approval from others.

Likes and Dislikes

D'Amelio mentions to Jay Shetty that she finds joy in cleaning and organizing her space, which she finds therapeutic. Creating a space that reflects her preferences allows her to regain control and certainty in her life, which is rare in her high-profile career.

Jay Shetty also emphasizes the significance of knowing your likes and dislikes as a fundamental aspect of self-awareness. D'Amelio has become more intentional about her choices, especially in music, where she now listens to songs that genuinely resonate with her rather than following popular trends.

Positive Self-Talk

Being open and honest about personal preferences and experiences is vital. D'Amelio acknowledges that it begins with improving self-talk, shifting from self-criticism to a more positive and curious mindset.

Jay Shetty introduces the book "Psycho-Cybernetics by Dr. Maxwell Maltz, which explores how thoughts shape one's reality and how changing one's thought patterns can have a profound impact on self-perception and overall well-being. He emphasizes the need to move from being overly critical to being curious about oneself.

The journey to positive self-talk and self-acceptance is not linear and may have ups and downs. D'Amelio started to recognize when she became overly critical of herself, and she took steps to refocus on self-kindness.

Moreover, being kinder to others can lead to being kinder to yourself and vice versa. Open and honest conversations with friends and loved ones can significantly impact your mental and emotional well-being.

Personal Identity

Charli D'Amelio discusses the complexities of her family's experience in the spotlight, particularly the reality TV show The D'Amelio Show. She finds it challenging to find individual space and identity within the family dynamic and the pressures of constant public scrutiny.

D'Amelio acknowledges to Jay Shetty the confusion that arises from being the youngest in her family. She wants to impress her older siblings and parents. She struggles to balance her need for support and recognition with her family members' busy lives and diverse pursuits. Also, the family's busy schedules sometimes make it challenging to celebrate each other's achievements fully.

D'Amelio also finds it challenging to have her emotions and experiences documented for the reality show. Filming sometimes blurs the line between her authentic self and her character on the show. She finds it, at times, challenging to wear a microphone. Occasionally, she forgets about its presence, leading to moments of genuine vulnerability being captured on camera.

Learning Self-Reliance

Growing up in the public eye, D'Amelio had to care for herself amid a rapidly changing and demanding industry. Navigating her newfound independence and responsibilities sometimes feels uncertain, given her lack of formal training and educational experiences. She explained to Jay Shetty how she often seeks advice and guidance from her father.

D'Amelio missed out on typical experiences growing up, such as attending college. She rapidly transitioned into adulthood due to her rise to fame. Still, she acknowledges that many young people face similar challenges in the ever-evolving digital age.

Moreover, D'Amelio emphasizes the difficulty of not making mistakes when confronted with new situations and responsibilities. To her, it is crucial to learn from these experiences and strive to do her best despite the ongoing learning curve and the ever-changing nature of her career.

Family in the Spotlight

D'Amelio shares with Jay Shetty her grandmother's efforts to keep up with social media and support her grandchildren. She would read articles and believe the content, even when it was inaccurate. Moreover, she navigated the world of social media as an older individual, highlighting the learning curve everyone faces.

Jay Shetty encountered similar experiences with his own family, where they read articles about him and reacted emotionally to what was written, even when inaccurate. This showcases the challenges of dealing with the media and public perception.

Industry Friendships

Charli D'Amelio shares with Jay Shetty her close bond with Markell Washington, whom she considers family. D'Amelio values their friendship and their fun together, whether they are dancing or just hanging out.

Regarding her friendships within the industry, D'Amelio often keeps these relationships private. She met some of her industry friends unconventionally, such as through work-related events like the Kids' Choice Awards. These friendships give her a unique connection to people her age who understand the industry's challenges.

Relationship in the Public Eye

D'Amelio believes that no relationship is immune to imperfections, no matter how strong. Hers is no different. Due to her and her partner's hectic lifestyles, sometimes they spend very little time as a couple. Such circumstances can also be trying for their families.

To cope with their demanding schedules, D'Amelio advocates for transparent and adaptable communication, understanding each other's evolving needs. It is crucial to recognize that these needs can change over time and to be flexible and responsive to those shifts.

Furthermore, Charli D'Amelio and Jay Shetty stress that resisting the urge to react to every criticism or comment can be liberating, as most online provocateurs seek reactions. Not every issue warrants a response, and sometimes, it's better to let negativity slide.

Private vs. Professional Interests

Charli D'Amelio excitedly told Jay Shetty about her dogs, including an adopted puppy, and the joy of nurturing and training them. She values the experience of raising a dog and its impact on their development. 

Additionally, D'Amelio has a dance room in her garage, a therapeutic space to express herself and stay active. She is experimenting with her style, influenced by her boyfriend and sister.

D'Amelio also shared with Jay Shetty that her podcast was initially a venture outside her comfort zone. However, she aims to engage more with her fans and create content that reflects her interests and authenticity. This shift allows her to reconnect with her love for social media and feels less like work.

Defining the Personal Journey

Charli D'Amelio is becoming more open about her thoughts and experiences. She acknowledges to Jay Shetty that for a long time, she avoided speaking out due to the fear of criticism and cancel culture. However, she's now embracing the idea of simply talking and sharing her thoughts online, even if they may not always be about crucial matters. 

D'Amelio recognizes that her audience is also growing up alongside her, and she hopes to bring them along on this journey of self-expression. Her opinions and preferences are valid, and she's ready to share them openly, even if they might not align with everyone's views. D'Amelio is committed to staying true to herself and connecting with those who support her for who she is rather than focusing on those who criticize her. 

Refining Your Identity

Charli D'Amelio told Jay Shetty that she's focusing on aspects like her personal style, appearance, and even nail colors. It may seem trivial, but it contributes to her self-expression and happiness. D'Amelio is now embracing the process of self-discovery and encourages the listeners to do the same.

Jay Shetty notes that these small habits and changes eventually develop into personal values. These values guide decision-making and form an individual's identity. 

Passion for Animals

Charli D'Amelio shares with Jay Shetty her fascination with animals and nature, particularly her love for visiting places like the San Diego Safari Park. She finds peace and joy in observing animals in their natural habitats, learning about their behaviors, and sharing exciting animal facts. D'Amelio appreciates how these experiences allow her to disconnect from materialism and immerse herself in the natural world. 

Jay Shetty also shares his experiences with wildlife, such as observing gorillas in Rwanda and the magic of being in nature. Both express their enthusiasm for witnessing incredible moments in the animal kingdom and learning from conservation efforts to protect endangered species, even if unrelated to their daily lives.

Keep Evolving

Charli D'Amelio is continuing her journey of self-discovery and growth. She's now firmly on the path of self-exploration. Jay Shetty encourages her to continue pursuing her interests and taking the proper steps in her journey. 

More From Jay Shetty

Listen to the entire On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast episode on “Charli D’Amelio ON How Our Thoughts Define Our Reality & Ways to Shift Self-Criticism into Curiosity” now in the iTunes store or on Spotify. For more inspirational stories and messages like this, check out Jay’s website at jayshetty.me.