Jay Shetty, Alexis Ren & Allie Michelle ON How to Stop Putting Your Guard up in Love

In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty welcomed Alexis Ren and Allie Michelle, the dynamic duo behind We Are Warriors, who are now launching a new podcast, Easy A. They open up about how their deep friendship, which started in their preteen years, has shaped their personal growth.

From navigating the heartache of losing Alexis' mother to challenging the pressures of societal norms, they share how embracing both masculine and feminine energies has helped them live more authentically. They open up about how supporting each other and staying true to who you are can lead to incredible self-discovery and empowerment.

Beautiful Friendship

Alexis Ren shared with Jay Shetty how they met as preteens and quickly formed a deep bond. Their friendship became even stronger when Ren's mother became ill, and Michelle's family stepped in to help her. Although they have had their differences, they share a unique bond. Together, Ren and Michelle collaborated on We Are Warriors and, eventually, their podcast, Easy A.

Michelle remarks that their friendship thrives because they never fell into specific roles but allowed each other to grow individually. They stayed connected through their shared experience of loss and a mutual understanding of a greater purpose. As Jay Shetty noted, allowing friendships to evolve naturally is important in allowing the involved parties to bloom.

Evolving Together Into Unique Personalities

Alexis Ren and Allie Michelle told Jay Shetty that allowing others to grow within a relationship comes with its challenges. Sometimes, people resist change in others; they want them to remain in the same place. The two acknowledge the triggers and conflicts in their friendship; however, they cherish their differences and embrace each other's growth.

The two communicate openly, even when they disagree, and prioritize honesty to avoid resentment. Because of their strong bond, they overcame various phases in their lives, including periods of not speaking. They hold each other accountable for growth and view each other as "avatars" who can evolve together.

Michelle opened up to Jay Shetty about her experience with medication and its impact on her creativity. She explains that she was put on medication at a young age due to differences in learning styles. This led to a dampening of her creative and emotional intelligence, especially in a school system that didn't value her strengths. She struggled with self-esteem, but Ren's mother helped her recognize the value of her intuitive and creative abilities.

Ren and Michelle discuss how validating and supporting each other's growth eliminates envy in their friendship. Ren views Michelle as a project she has helped shape, and vice versa, with both acknowledging how they've significantly influenced each other's lives. Michelle encouraged Ren to embrace her depth and creativity, while Ren has helped Michelle with more external aspects, such as confidence.

They also shared with Jay Shetty the concept of archetypes based on Carol Pearson's work.¹ Her book helped them understand and respect each other's growth. Ren identifies with the "ruler" archetype, always helping others improve. On the other hand, Michelle resonates with the "magician" archetype, which allows her to use storytelling to share wisdom. Their dynamic balances each other and prevents them from slipping into negative traits like tyranny or manipulation.

Allowing More Femininity

Ren shared with Jay Shetty some of the key challenges women in their community face. One of them is the struggle to embrace femininity. She explains that many women feel pressured to adopt masculine energy in a world that undervalues feminine energy.

The masculine focuses on action and achievement, while the feminine is more about attraction and fluidity. This disconnect can lead to exhaustion and unfulfilled lives. To overcome this obstacle, Ren suggests breaking down limiting beliefs that drive this imbalance and creating space for a more fluid approach to life.

Additionally, Michelle told Jay Shetty that societal expectations around beauty also restrict women. Beauty has historically provided security, leading women to conform to superficial standards. Therefore, both Ren and Michelle believe it is necessary to reshape the beliefs that limit women and to allow them to tap into their true potential.

Embracing All of Yourself

Jay Shetty stresses the importance of embracing all aspects of yourself. Society often pressures us to fit into specific boxes and it limits our authentic expression. Ren and Michelle share personal practices that helped them and their community navigate these pressures. One such method Ren uses is addressing triggers in real time - this way, she could release the trigger instead of storing it in their body.

Michelle broke free from societal expectations by embracing the parts of herself that don't fit neatly into predefined roles. Her poetry mentor encouraged her to let go of her external image to access deeper, more honest emotions. She highlights the importance of breaking down limiting beliefs and societal constructs that restrict personal growth. They find greater freedom and authenticity by embracing their full selves, including their imperfections.

Nowadays, Ren and Michelle mentor and guide their community with advice in various aspects of adult life. They explained to Jay Shetty that traditional education often overlooks basic adult skills, such as regulating the nervous system and financial literacy. Therefore, their community work focuses on equipping young women with practical tools and wisdom and encouraging them to discover their own answers and lead fulfilled lives. They noticed the ripple effect of their guidance, as the women they mentor go on to positively influence others.

You'll Never Please Everyone

Jay Shetty shared one of Taylor Swift's speeches, where she highlighted how women in the spotlight are often pressured to conform to others' expectations, leading them to continuously reshape themselves. It becomes a cycle in which you end up being criticized for something that you were once praised for.

Ren and Michelle agree that we need to acknowledge both the hero and the villain within ourselves. No one thrives under constant scrutiny; however, fluidity in identity brings about personal growth. However, it is essential to maintain your core values as you evolve.

Balancing Feminine and Masculine Energy

We all have both feminine and masculine energies within ourselves. Finding the right harmony is what helps us lead a more balanced life. Jay Shetty shared how his upbringing influenced this balance in his life, integrating both ambition and nurturing qualities.

Michelle explains that the feminine energy excels in navigating the unknown, while the masculine focuses on the known; it is the mind versus heart debate. Furthermore, the masculine is about action and survival, while the feminine is more nurturing and receptive. Ren and Michelle highlight the need to balance these energies and acknowledge the role each plays in survival and growth.

When recognizing an imbalance, it is important to approach it with compassion. The masculine energy, Ren noted, often helps us survive challenging situations. However, it is essential to allow room also for the feminie energy, which allows for creativity, rest, and holistic growth. Therefore, Ren and Michelle encouraged the listeners to honor both energies and view them as parts of a divine, intelligent system that guides personal development. This way, you can embrace challenges as opportunities for growth rather than obstacles.

Similarly, people can quickly discard old strategies that helped them survive in the past but no longer serve them at the moment. Jay Shetty stresses the importance of acknowledging and honoring these past survival mechanisms rather than hating them when they no longer fit. Michelle adds that understanding archetypes, such as the fool who challenges the ruler, can help balance seriousness with humor. We all need the freedom to experiment, fail, and try new coping mechanisms.

A Different Type of Journal

Alexis Ren and Allie Michelle designed the Becoming a Warrior Journal, which focuses on personal exploration rather than daily entries. Ren shared with Jay Shetty her favorite practice: writing a letter to fear and engaging in a dialogue with it. This exercise helps you dismantle the binary mindset of good versus bad and helps you understand how fear can serve you.

To make the best out of this journal, Michelle suggests stepping outside of yourself by writing from different perspectives, such as a parent or even from the viewpoint of death. She and Ren advocate for subconscious writing, where participants write rapidly without overthinking, allowing deep-seated thoughts and emotions to surface. This way, you will increase your self-awareness and healing by connecting with buried emotions and intuition.

Ren and Michelle firmly believe that journaling practices can help you uncover your true desires and resolve your internal conflicts. Eventually, by doing this exercise regularly, you will notice personal growth and a stronger relationship with yourself.

Challenging Negative Beliefs

Discussing romantic relationships, Ren and Michelle stressed the importance of surrendering vulnerability in relationships, even at the risk of heartbreak. Michelle believes that fully leaning into love brings a sense of fulfillment and courage, no matter the outcome. Similarly, Ren told Jay Shetty that successful relationships are not measured by longevity but by the growth and transformation they encourage. A key trait of a healthy relationship is honest communication and the courage to engage in difficult conversations with your partner.

Ren and Michelle don't agree with the societal pressure of finding a "high-value" partner. They believe that true connection is not transactional but rather based on values and mutual growth. Just as with parallel evolution in a friendship, embracing the fluidity of a romantic relationship is important. Love needs to evolve and adapt, not adhere to rigid expectations.

More From Jay Shetty

Listen to the entire On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast episode on “Alexis Ren & Allie Michelle ON 3 Ways to Stop Putting a Guard up in Love & Why You Need to Change Your Mindset on What Success Means in Dating” now in the iTunes store or on Spotify. For more inspirational stories and messages like this, check out Jay’s website at jayshetty.me.

¹Pearson, Carol, 1944-. 1986. The Hero Within: Six Archetypes We Live By. San Francisco, Harper & Row.