Alex Cooper & Jay Shetty ON Overcoming Self-Doubt

In this episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty speaks with Alex Cooper, the creator, and host of the hugely successful podcast Call Her Daddy.

Cooper is one of the most listened-to female podcasters in the world. She has shattered stigmas and stomped on misogyny while keeping mental health and personal empowerment at the forefront. In addition to her podcast, Cooper has a successful merchandise line and several exciting businesses and endeavors in the pipeline. This conversation inspires those trying to find, keep, or let go of love and those looking to learn more about mental health, well-being, and personal empowerment.

Bullying

Jay Shetty notes that there's a misconception about vulnerability. We expect everyone's response to be positive when we open up in front of others. He adds that sometimes it is difficult to gauge how challenging it may be for someone to be vulnerable. It can be scary to share personal stories, but showing different sides of oneself is essential.

He shared a personal story about bullying in school and how it affected his self-esteem. He recalled when he was in the final year of elementary school and had a crush on a girl in his class. When he came in late to school one day, he found out that all the guys who also had a crush on the girl had told her and their friends about it. As a result, Jay Shetty was ridiculed and made fun of by his classmates, who considered him the "ugliest fattest kid" in school. This experience left him feeling embarrassed and humiliated. However, he found solace in listening to Eminem and producing music during those times.

Cooper also experienced bullying when she was younger. Because of it, she felt alone and hated herself. All that mattered to her at the time was acceptance by her peers. She admits to Jay Shetty that she struggled with her persona. Cooper also spoke about her experience of being humiliated by a teacher in front of the class for wearing makeup to conceal her acne.

Despite these traumatic incidents, Jay Shetty and Alex Cooper credit their experiences with shaping their character and values. "Had I not gone through all of that, I know who I am now. And I know my morals and my values," Cooper said.

Everyone has something they struggle with, and it's essential to acknowledge and share that struggle. Cooper credits her father as the most supportive person, helping her with her career. She notes that, because of her childhood, she has people-pleasing tendencies and a desire to be liked.It is essential to take a stand against bullying and to create a culture of kindness and empathy. Jay Shetty encouraged the audience to reach out to those struggling, reminding them that small acts of kindness can make a big difference.

Gender Stereotypes

Jay Shetty shares his personal experience of growing up with a powerful mother who was the family's breadwinner and a role model for him. He expresses his disappointment at the fact that despite progress in gender equality, women are still facing discrimination in the workplace.

He also opened up about how people believe since he has a background as a monk, he cannot be driven and ambitious, as if these two traits are incompatible. However, Jay Shetty believes all aspects of his personality can be combined to create a happy and fulfilling life. Making a name for yourself is challenging, especially for women, Cooper explained. She shared with Jay Shetty: "I've struggled with 'Why am I always called the female Joe Rogan?' Does anyone ever say, 'Oh, Joe Rogan? The male Alex Cooper?'"

Cooper told Jay Shetty that people have gotten too comfortable putting others in boxes. She shared her experience in high school, where she was on the soccer team but also obsessed with making content. As a result, she lied to her peers about her elective class because she was embarrassed to be in a video production class. It is crucial to break out of the boxes society puts people in and be true to yourself.

Therefore, you should not judge others based on what you see on the surface but instead try to understand their stories and experiences. Rather, try to show empathy and understanding. This can lead to a more harmonious and just society.

Being A Podcast Host

Cooper, as the host of the popular podcast Call Her Daddy, spoke about her unique connection with her listeners, whom she calls the "daddy gang." My listeners, they. . .feel like an extension of myself," she told Jay Shetty. "We have talked about the most deep, in-depth, maybe taboo topics, uncomfortable topics."

Cooper also told Jay Shetty about the challenges of being pigeonholed into a particular niche: "That's the girl that talks about sex and dating." She expressed a desire to talk about other topics as well, and acknowledged her evolution as a person since the show's inception.

Cooper transitioned the discussion to the topic of mental health and other issues that came to light during the pandemic. She spoke about the stigma surrounding therapy and how she uses her platform to promote mental health awareness. She acknowledged that at 22, she was more interested in drinking and having fun, but as she grew older, her interests changed.

Cooper highlights the importance of connection and mutual respect between podcast hosts and their audiences. She also demonstrates the potential for hosts to use their platform to discuss important and often stigmatized topics, such as mental health.

Cooper's willingness to discuss mental health on her podcast may help further reduce the stigma and encourage listeners to seek help when needed. It also highlights the potential for podcast hosts to use their platforms to promote essential conversations and create a sense of community among their listeners.

Mental Health And Sex

Jay Shetty discussed the importance of being willing to talk about mental health and sex because they are interconnected. Cooper agreed, acknowledging that it has been challenging for her to talk about sex. People have seen her as a woman who is only focused on that subject. However, she expressed a sense of responsibility to use her platform to discuss deeper topics that will affect future generations. Cooper believes people are inclined to make snap judgments based on headlines or gossip. She wants to create a space for thought-provoking conversations that allow listeners to form educated opinions. In addition, she hopes listeners can gain a 360-degree view of an issue or argument by having long-form discussions.

Downside of Social Media

Social media used to define Cooper's entire existence. Yet, through meditating, being alone with her thoughts, and going through therapy, she's been able to train her brain to focus on what makes her feel good and get through awful times. For example, when she gets mean comments, she reminds herself that she has gotten through something before and will get through it again. In moments of crisis, she takes a walk, takes a breath, talks to people she loves, and gets out of her psychosis.

Cooper shared with Jay Shetty that she used to go into a spiral, reading Reddit pages about herself and the awful things that people wrote about her. Being a people pleaser, she wanted everyone to like her. However, one negative comment could affect her content the following week. Therefore, she decided to stop looking at those comments about a year ago, which changed her life. Cooper shared with Jay Shetty some of the habits that she took on, on her journey to protecting her mental health. One of these habits was educating herself on current events to stay well-informed. Another significant habit was therapy. She now takes notes from people genuinely caring about her and doesn't surround herself with "yes-people." Currently, she is unequivocal about who she shares her time with because she is taking care of her mental health.

Public Vs. Private Life

Cooper shared with Jay Shetty how hurtful it is when people assume she is a lousy friend due to things that have happened publicly in her career. As a woman, she finds it frustrating that the public tends to see the person who comes out on top as the villain while the other one is perceived as the victim. She values her friendships greatly and takes pride in those relationships. Despite proving her loyalty to her friends, Cooper found dealing with public perceptions of her friendships challenging. However, she has worked through her desire to prove her worth. Now, she prioritizes knowing who she is and her close relationships with her family and friends.

Jay Shetty had similar experiences of wanting to be understood and appreciated for his pure intentions. But he soon realized that most people misunderstand him, which is okay. So he has come to terms with the fact that most people will misunderstand him.

The age of social media has made it challenging to be understood by unknown people. Jay Shetty and Alex Cooper agree that proving themselves to everyone isn't worthwhile. Instead, they prioritize their relationships with their family and friends and inner peace over trying to prove themselves to the public.

Sharing Private Information

Jay Shetty didn't reveal his marriage to his followers for the first three years of his public life. He felt protective of his family and wanted to keep some aspects of his life private. Eventually, he revealed his marriage in his first podcast episode. He reflects on how this allowed his wife to acclimatize to the new life they created, gave her a sense of stability, and helped him deal with his journey. Cooper took an alternative path. When she met her boyfriend, she had already podcasted about him before their first date. He was a private person, and Cooper had to pull back from talking about him on her show. He never asked her not to talk about him but he wanted to keep their conversations private. Cooper respects her boyfriend's wishes and has learned from her past relationships where her partners didn't want to be part of her show. Sharing personal details on social media and podcasts is a common trend. Still, it is essential to consider the impact on the people involved. Couples who set boundaries around what they share with others have healthier relationships than those who don't.

What Are Healthy Relationships

Cooper, who has been doing her job since she was young, expressed her need for a partner who supports her passion. She has been in relationships where men were intimidated by her success and constantly tried to hold her down. This was toxic and affected her. She believes that honesty and allowing the other person to be themselves are crucial in a relationship. She mentioned that projection and unrealistic expectations are prevalent in relationships. People must work on themselves before seeking someone to fulfill their wants and needs. In Cooper's view, a relationship should be where two people unite to improve each other. It is not about changing each other but allowing each other to grow and develop into their best version. Understanding that a healthy relationship is not about perfection but how two people can work together to navigate life's ups and downs is crucial.

Partners should allow each other to be themselves and not try to change each other. The study also emphasizes that projection and unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and dissatisfaction in a relationship. Therefore, it is crucial for individuals to work on themselves before entering into a relationship and to find someone they like for who they are.

Call Her Daddy

Becomingself-aware and prioritizing your values and relationships is essential. Cooper encourages listeners to be open-minded and to give her show, Call Her Daddy, a chance. She is proud of the show's direction and her work so far. She believes everyone deserves a chance and asks people to give her show another chance if they have misconceptions about it.

More From Jay Shetty

Listen to the entire On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast episode on “Alex Cooper ON Overcoming Self-Doubt & How to Give Yourself Permission to Outgrow the Past” now in the iTunes store or on Spotify. For more inspirational stories and messages like this, check out Jay’s website at jayshetty.me.